|recharging by Don, (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)|
Some days I want to delete all my blogs and Facebook pages and disappear from this online world forever. The thought of writing another post, or commenting on someone else’s blog, fills me with dread. I just don’t want to do it.
A couple of times I actually clicked onto the ‘delete’ button, and in an instant, all evidence of my online existence disappeared. I immediately became an ex-blogger. It didn’t take me very long to miss my online community. Never write another post? Perhaps I’d been a bit too hasty. Both times, I brought my blogs back from the dead, and life went on until the next crisis. Yes, I’ve had other days when I’ve just wanted to roll up my blogs, reclaim my family and retreat from the world. But I haven’t hit the ‘delete’ button again. I have learnt that the panicky overwhelming times pass. Blogging excitement and enjoyment do return.
I’ve been thinking about these up and down cycles. Why do they happen? Are they a consequence of being an introverted blogger?
Maybe it’s not immediately obvious I’m an introvert. When you read my posts or watch one of my videos or listen to a podcast, you might assume I am very outgoing. And I am outgoing to a certain extent. In ‘real’ life I do like to meet up with friends and talk, but usually in small groups, and in small doses, and for short periods of time. After socialising, I need to retreat home and recharge with lots of quiet time. And if I have the choice, normally I prefer not to go out in the first place. Staying home and being creative on my own is very attractive.
In some ways, blogging is an almost perfect situation for an introvert. I can write, and make videos and podcasts, and share on my own terms. I’m in control. I can close my computer and disappear when all the associated contact with people becomes too much. At least that’s how it works in theory.
The problem is I’m not very good at ignoring my online life when I need a break. If there’s lots going on, I stick around. I continue writing and publishing posts, answering comments and emails, visiting other blogs and commenting. And I end up feeling sick inside.
There comes a point when, if I read a post on someone else’s blog, I just can’t make myself write a comment. I creep away without leaving any evidence I’ve visited. Does this sound strange? Does anyone know what I mean? Usually at this stage, I start to feel guilty about not joining in with the blogging community. It doesn’t take long before I’m declaring I no longer want to blog. I start questioning the value of what I‘m doing. Surely blogging isn’t that important? I’d rather be free of all the many online things that seem to reach out and entangle me. And so I begin to think about deleting my blogs and Facebook pages and retreating forever. But of course I don’t. I am still here.
So if you notice my Facebook page hasn’t been updated for a day or two, or if you haven’t seen me on your blog for a while, I’m still around. (I might even have crept through your blog and enjoyed your posts without saying a word.) I’m just taking some time out, being invisible, being quiet.
I’d like to thank everyone who has read this week’s posts, commented on them and listened to my podcasts.
And a special thank you to Lucinda of Navigating By Joy, who mentioned my podcasts in her post, A week in the life of a British homeschooling family – Friday. I do appreciate the mention and the link.
Please visit Lucinda’s blog to read her posts, including the spectacular science ones. I just know I would enjoy science if I lived with Lucinda. I imagine her enthusiasm is very contagious.
So what are you going to do this weekend? Will you find some time to be quiet and recharge? I hope so!
|The Angels of Abbey Creek|
Image: If only I could plug myself into the electric outlet each evening, like this cat, in order to recharge!
You can also find me on my Stories of an Unschooling Family Facebook page, unless of course, I’ve disappeared briefly for some quiet time! Please hop over to my page for all the extra blog stuff.