17 January 2018

An Impossible Adventure

I never thought I’d become a Catholic unschooler. An unschooler? Maybe. A Catholic? Oh no! At one time in my life, that seemed impossible.

When Andy asked me to marry him, of course, I said yes. “But I’ll never become a Catholic,” I added. I had to make it clear. Just in case. What if my cradle Catholic husband had plans to drag me into his church?

I’d heard stories about the Catholic Church. Bad ones. The Church controls people’s lives. Tells them what to do. It’s just a big institution. similar to schools, designed to take away people’s freedom. Once you get entangled with Catholicism, there’s no hope for you. Much better to stay well away.

So I did.

And then our daughter Felicity was born, and 17 months later, Duncan joined our family. And despite not wanting to, I started thinking about baptisms. Babies are baptised. Why? Does it really mean anything? Or is baptism just an empty celebration that parents arrange because it’s the expected thing to do?

One day, I said to Andy, “If we were to get our children baptised, what church would you choose?”

He gave me the expected answer: “The Catholic Church.”

Did I want our children tied to the Church? Did I want to burden them with Catholic beliefs? I hesitated. Perhaps baptism wasn’t a good idea. Or maybe it was essential? I just didn’t know. Finally, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to find out more about the Church and what baptism actually is before making a decision.

So I arranged to meet the local parish priest. He was the first priest I’d ever spoken to. I felt a bit nervous. And a bit daring too. I was brave enough to meet a Catholic priest! What would he be like? Strange, for sure. But he wasn’t. He was perfectly normal. Kind and friendly and willing to help me.

“I’d like to know more about the Catholic Church. We might get our children baptised.” And then I quickly added, “But then again, we might not.”

Yes, I was only investigating. If I didn’t like what I was about to find out, I would walk away. The Church wouldn’t get my children. I made that perfectly clear.

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Although I was prickly and defensive, the priest pretended not to notice. He was magnificent. He smiled as if he met mothers like me every day of the week. He searched his shelves for a book that explained the faith for non-Catholics like me and gently offered an invitation to answer any questions at a later date.

It wasn’t long before I did have a question: “Can you baptise our children?” And then a few months later:  “How do I become a Catholic?”

So what changed my mind about the Church? God. He spoke to me as I turned the pages of the Catholic book. He showed me where to find the missing pieces of my life. He flooded me with love. By the time I got to the last chapter, I wanted someone to open the Church door and invite me in.

And so I became a Catholic.

Did I lose my freedom? Were huge burdens heaped upon my shoulders? Is my life dictated by the rules of the Church? No. I needn’t have worried.  The Catholic Church isn’t what I’d assumed it to be.

I didn’t understand Catholicism. I didn’t even want to. Then God began whispering the word baptism in my ear. That word led me on an impossible adventure.

Just like I didn’t understand the Church, maybe many people don’t understand unschooling. They hear the negative stories that are passed around. And they say: “I’ll never unschool!” But maybe they will.

When we’re willing to learn more, and then ponder with an open mind, amazing things happen. Impossible things. I’ve discovered that. Have you?


I’d love to hear about your impossible adventures. Perhaps you’re surprised to find you are unschoolers. Do you have a faith story? Or a family one? Maybe you’re investigating and pondering something in particular. Should you be brave and go where you’re being led? If you’d like to share, please do!

Sue Elvis

I'm an Australian blogger, podcaster, and Youtuber. I write and speak about unschooling, parenting and family life. I'm also the author of the unschooling books 'Curious Unschoolers', 'Radical Unschool Love' and ‘The Unschool Challenge’. You'll find them on Amazon!

21 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your story, Sue. It never ceases to amaze me how people come to know our loving heavenly Father. When I was young, my parents took me to Sunday School but I hated it. I was so shy and I tried to pretend to sleep in on Sunday mornings in the vain hope we wouldn’t go to church (a local Anglican one). It wasn’t until I met and became friends with a girl who invited me along to the Christian group at school in year 8 that I listened and learned more of who God is. After attending an ISCF camp with my friend in year 9, I realised that Jesus lived a perfect life and died in my place to take my sins away so I could have a relationship with Him. I could never be ‘good enough’ to get to heaven (I had always assumed I wasn’t too bad). I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and He has radically changed my life from a shy girl to a pastor’s wife.

    I began learning about homeschooling soon before we returned to Australia in 2014 (having been overseas missionaries for 6 years), was drawn early on to unschooling and have been on an amazing learning adventure ever since – just as my mind is constantly renewed by God’s Word, my mind is also constantly deschooling and I am learning so much. I really love your saying of ‘Trust, Respect and Love Unconditionally’ – that sums it up for me. 🙂 I am so thankful for this wild and free life the Lord is leading me on – it’s challenging too but so rewarding!!

    • Alison

      It is indeed amazing how God uses different people and circumstances in our lives to draw us to Him. I’m sure He connects us together so that we help each other on our spiritual journeys.

      I’ve been radically changed too. I was one of those kids that lived on the fringes of school society with all the other misfits. Nothing special. No one took a second glance at me. But look what God had in store for me. A beautiful family. This ‘wild and free life’. And I’m sure He led me to this impossible blogging adventure!

      “…just as my mind is constantly renewed by God’s Word, my mind is also constantly deschooling and I am learning so much.” Oh, yes! I do feel we can never stop learning about both God and unschooling. Perhaps there’s a connection there!

      Your words are so full of joy. Oh yes, we have much to be thankful for. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

  2. Good morning Sue, it’s always wonderful the way people find the Lord. I found the Lord as my savior when I was only 11 years old. Which was a wonderful thing because that prepared me to have someone to walk alongside me at the death of my father. The Lord has never failed me and he is always a light and a beacon in my life. I go to him everyday for things that I need challenges that I face and just because he’s such a good friend and has proved himself to be the father that I no longer have. Your story is inspirational and I enjoy reading all of your blog post. Hugs and kisses, Nancy

    • Nancy,

      Doesn’t God see to all our needs so perfectly? You lost your father, but He was there to help you. I lost Thomas, but God drew me so much closer to Him during that difficut time. Yes, He never fails us.

      Thank you for reading my story and sharing your own. Sending love and hugs back to you! xx

  3. Hi Sue,
    I’m new here! I’m an eclectic homeschooling Catholic mom of six from Michigan in the U.S. I started homeschooling in 2002, and became Catholic in 2009. God first called me through the faithful witness of another homeschool mom. I was an Evangelical since childhood. It is a long story of how God called, and after a few years, I had the courage to answer.
    I love your blog and podcast!
    Kristyn

    • Kristyn,

      Welcome to my blog! I’m so glad you stopped by to introduce yourself and share your story. I’m pleased to meet you!

      Yes, God calls but we need courage to answer. You said your story is long. Mine is too even though it sounds like I answered God’s call quickly, it didn’t really happen that way. Looking back, I can see that God had been calling me for a long time. And even after I became a Catholic, I still had a long way to go. Lots of ups and downs, but I got there in the end. Maybe we’ll share more of our stories in future posts.

      Thank you for your kind words about my blog and podcast. I shall have to get back to podcasting very soon!

  4. Great post Sue! I never thought I’d be an unschooler or have lots of kids. I never thought I’d have home births either. I wanted a very controlled and orderly life. But, like you, I was led in a different direction and I learned to let go of the illusion of control.

    • Venisa,

      It’s funny how we think we know how our lives will unroll and then we find ourselves doing unimaginable things! I didn’t think I’d have a large family either. I never had a home birth, but I can see what a wonderful experience that could be. Controlled and orderly? Wild and free is much more exciting! Thank you for sharing your impossible adventures!

  5. Well, I was raised a passionately Evangelical Christian, living in PNG as a missionary’s daughter. My impossible journey has led me to leave the church!
    I still have a very big spiritual side, but it tends towards Buddhism now.
    I am an unexpected homeschooler and unschooler, but a very grateful one.
    My other impossible journey is being a parent as we were told we would never have kids…and we have two!!
    Great post Sue. xo Jazzy Jack

    • Jack,

      I don’t know very much about evangelical Christianity or Buddhism. I did some quick googling but now want to find out more.

      I wonder how your parents felt when you left their church. I don’t share the same faith as my parents. It can be difficult when God leads us off in a different direction from our families.

      Children are such a joy. I am so glad you experienced the impossible and were given two! Of course, I’m also glad you found your way to unschooling and that we became friends!

  6. “I felt a bit nervous. And a bit daring too. I was brave enough to meet a Catholic priest!”

    Yes, I feel this way even reading about Catholicism! Or watching a Catholic program on TV. So silly sounding, but we Protestants are often raised with certain negative views on Catholicism, which persist into adulthood, and we end up feeling like it’s all taboo.

    However, the longer I homeschool, the more I find myself coming into contact with Catholic homeschool bloggers. And that has set me on a path to find out more about Catholicism for myself. Are we Protestants missing out? Are there ancient traditions, beliefs, that might add beauty and richness to our faith? Why do we still continue some traditions and not others? Are modern ideas always the wisest?

    So that’s what I’ve been investigating and pondering in particular lately. Which supports the truth of unschooling, that there are always new ideas or new ways of thinking about old ideas to discover. I suppose that’s one big reason why we continue to homeschool, because there is so much more freedom and time outside of a classroom to think about what you want to think about. What God has to say to you, where He is leading you. Space to question what is the best type of learning environment we can try to offer our children. I’ve often wondered if one of the reasons so many children fall away from the faith when they reach adulthood is the hypocrisy of telling children their relationship with God is the most important thing in life, yet expecting them to perform academically 40 hours per week, and pressuring them to get good grades, to get into college, to get a good job, so that they can make a good salary. There seems to be a huge disconnect there. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I do think unschooling may allow the freedom of showing children how to live with God first, and following his direction in what to learn to support the gifts He’s given them.

      • Erica,

        I can relate to all your questions. I used to ponder them too. I did lots of reading and thinking. Taboo? Oh, yes! I didn’t tell many people what I was doing. Investigating the Catholic church? What would they think of me? Was I crazy? Sometimes I wondered about that too. At times, I didn’t know what to think about the Church. Many of the traditions and rituals felt strange to me. Were they really necessary? They made me feel uncomfortable. Of course, now I feel right at home within the Church as if I’ve been here forever. I guess time and understanding helped. Now I see the beauty and the richness as you mentioned in one of your questions.

        “… there is so much more freedom and time outside of a classroom to think about what you want to think about.” That is so true! It seems to me that unschooling is the way God wants us to live. Yes, to follow God’s lead and use the talents He has given us. To trust Him. As I’ve been delving deeper and deeper into unschooling, I seem to be doing the same with my faith.

        Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your story.

    • Erica, I sneaked around reading Catholic books and listening to Catholic radio for years. ? It seems silly now, but my close family and friends were very anti-Catholic and I thought, Why upset them if it’s all for nothing anyway? Like Sue writes, it took courage to start that first conversation with a priest (who in these past ten years has become one of my dearest friends) because I expected to be pressured to “join.” But there was none.
      God bless you!

      • Kristyn,

        I was very reluctant to tell my family that I wanted to become a Catholic. I wondered if I could convert without telling anyone. Avoid all the upset feelings. Fortunately, the priest advised me to be brave and honest. I imagine it would have been very difficult to have kept such a large part of my life secret.

        God bless you too!

  7. I converted to Catholicism about 8 years ago. I was raised in a new age household. My father is an atheist and my mother was a psychic. I came to Christianity after getting married and having our first child and then made my way to the Catholic church. My story is way too long to share here! My husband and I now have 6 daughters and an 18 acre homestead. I love the natural flow of the liturgical year and how it keeps us living the story of Christ through all of the seasons. I love the foundation the Church’s teaching give us to live on. And I love unschooling to give my children a home full of unconditional love! As a child, I honestly hated school and lived in a broken home. Unschooling/relaxed homeschooling has given me the chance to encourage a love of learning and a peaceful, loving home. Without my faith, our lives would not be the same! Praise God for the ability to live such a great life!

    • Rowanne,

      It sounds like you have been on a very impossible adventure!

      I often think about how the weather influences our unschooling. Life changes naturally as the year progresses through summer, autumn, winter and spring. And the same happens with the liturgical year. You are so right! I love your comment. I’m also thankful for a home full of unconditional love and a faith which is the foundation of our lives. Yes, we are living a truly great life. God is good!

      Thank you for sharing!

  8. I’m a convert from the Protestant faith to the Catholic Church. We converted just under a year ago. I too never thought I would be unschooling and a Catholic. Funny where life leads us. I had a question about taking little ones to Mass, how did you manage? Did you expect them to be quiet, not run around and play or did you try to control their behaviour? My husband and I are currently having this dilemma. Is it too much to expect a 3 year old to sit still for an hour, so therefore should we not even try or should we be training them from a young age about the Mass and how to behave during it? I mostly don’t like constantly telling them to sit still, be quiet, etc… I don’t think it fosters a good relationship. We have 3 year old twins an 18 month old, 2 month old, 12 and 13 year old, so with all the little ones it can be pretty hectic to try and manage their behaviour.

    • Roslyn,

      I’m so pleased and excited to meet a fellow convert! I’m glad you also found your way to the Catholic Church. Yes, it’s funny where life unexpectedly leads us!

      Oh yes, going to Mass with lots of kids can be hectic. What do we do? Many parents insist kids should sit still from an early age, but we recognised that it’s often hard for them to do this. We always took our whole family to Mass, and we’d start Mass together. From our pew, I’d point out the candles etc. We blew kisses to Jesus. And I had a bag of distracting items for our little ones to play with: prayer cards, things to chew, books, a toothbrush! We’d pass our babies and toddlers between us until they became too noisy or upset. Then I’d walk with them at the back of the church, visiting the statues or the stain glass windows. When this no longer distracted our kids, I’d leave the church and let them roam in the garden, and I’d listen to the Mass through the window or door, returning when it was time for Communion. After Communion, one of my older kids or my husband would look after our baby or toddler so I could have some quiet time to pray.

      Going to Mass with young children was an adventure! It wasn’t always easy, but we always muddled through. And things got better as each child grew. I occasionally got frustrated, especially when I was overtired and had to leave the church only a minute or two after arriving. But on the whole, I went with the flow and didn’t worry if I couldn’t pay proper attention to the Mass. I’m sure God understands and gives parents extra graces because they are trying to pray as well as look after their children.

      Eventually, we had a pew full of children who sat still and paid attention despite us never insisting they did this. We didn’t need to warn our kids they’d be punished if they made a fuss. We didn’t offer rewards for good behaviour. We didn’t get angry. We didn’t try to manage their behaviour. All we did was include our kids in the Mass to the level they were able to deal with, leave the church when they could no longer cope and be patient. I guess the hardest bit was being patient. It can be hard to do that when we’re tired and feeling overwhelmed, can’t it?
      Another thing that helped was slipping out to a Mass by myself occasionally. I sometimes did this in the evening when my husband had returned from work. A bit of prayer time for myself.

      Roslyn, it sounds like your arms are full of beautiful children! Lots of people to love, but also lots of people who might make lots of noise at Mass. Maybe there are times when you wonder if it’s worth taking your kids to Mass. I’ll share something I hope will encourage you. My youngest daughter Gemma-Rose received her first Holy Communion at the age of 6. Here’s part of a blog post I wrote about that special day:

      ‘…Yesterday, Gemma-Rose received Jesus for the first time. She didn’t have to go searching like me. She has grown up in front of the tabernacle. She has always known about Jesus. He has always been part of her life. Gemma-Rose was welcomed into our parish church despite her baby noises. She threw toys and half-chewed rusks at our fellow parishioners, and I had to accept them back, embarrassed but pleased that no one minded the soggy missiles being launched over the back of our pew. Perhaps Gemma-Rose remembers our walks around the church as we prayed at each statue, and the baby kisses she gave to the Sacred Heart of Jesus every Sunday.

      Gemma-Rose had days when she’d cry loudly or whine and refuse to settle or sit still, and we would end up outside the church. But we could always listen to the sounds of Mass drifting through the doorway. And she soon recognised that important moment when I regained enough courage to join the congregation again in time for Communion. A moment I never missed.

      Then there are the words, “I love you Jesus!” she has whispered countless times as Jesus has come down from heaven to our altar. And the kisses she has blown to Jesus as Father has elevated the Host. Gemma-Rose has watched as we’ve genuflected and received Jesus reverently.
      Yes, Gemma-Rose has grown up knowing that Jesus is truly present on our altars and in our tabernacles. And she knows what a gift it is that Jesus offers Himself to the Father for our sins and then gives Himself to us to make us holy. She has absorbed naturally what it took me years to learn.

      Yesterday on the Feast of the Epiphany, Gemma-Rose, looking so pure and innocent, approached the altar to receive Our Lord for the first time. It truly was a special moment…’

      Growing up in front of the tabernacle is a wonderful thought, isn’t it?

      Roslyn, I’m so glad you stopped by so we could chat about our faith and our precious kids. May God bless you and your family

      • Thank you for your in-depth reply. I completely agree with everything you’ve said. We’ve been splitting up for the last 2 Sunday’s but might go back to whole family Mass again and just have the little ones outside. Thank you for sharing what you did. It gives me confidence to keep going and I don’t feel so alone in our struggle. I loved your blog post and I’ve just recently bought your book Radical Unschool Love. I’m about a quarter of the way through. I absolutely love it! So many golden nuggets of wisdom throughout and so thought provoking. Thank you for all your hard work in putting your blog and books together. They are so helpful for Mums like me, and its not often that you find Catholic Unschooling Mums!!

        • Roslyn,

          I’m so glad my reply was helpful and you feel encouraged to take your whole family to Mass.

          The other day, I was listening to a Catholic podcast discussion about taking little children to Mass:

          https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/pints-with-aquinas/id1097862282?i=1000583189122

          Matt Fradd’s and Jackie Angel’s experiences seem to be very similar to mine. It’s always reassuring to hear things like that!

          Thank you so much for buying a copy of Radical Unschool Love. Knowing you love my book makes me smile!

          Your positive feedback about my blog etc really makes a difference. I feel encouraged to keep sharing my unschooling stories!

          May God bless you and your family. ❤️

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