Christian Unschooling: Should We Encourage Our Kids to Seek Security?
Many years ago, when we had children of all ages, including a baby, we were invited to a homeschooling camp. Unfortunately, we couldn’t go because it was scheduled for the same week we were moving with a million possessions from one rental house to another.
When I reluctantly declined the invitation, a friend said, “You really should have bought a house years ago. If you had a home of your own, you wouldn’t need to move so often. You’d be giving your kids security.”
Did our friend think we were raising our children in an unstable environment because we lived in rental homes? That thought pierced my heart.
The next time I went to Mass, I spoke to our priest. I asked him if my husband Andy and I had done something wrong. Perhaps we should have waited until we owned a home before we had children. Were we giving our kids an insecure life because we moved from rental house to rental house?
Fr Greg said, “Security doesn’t lie in bricks and mortar. A house can be taken away without warning. Kids need the security of a strong family.” He told me that we had nothing to be concerned about.
Relief flooded through me. We might not have been able to buy a house, but we could continue strengthening our family bonds by accepting and loving each other unconditionally and trusting God to look after us.
Sometimes, I got fed up with looking for somewhere to live, packing our belongings, and settling into a new house. I didn’t like knowing our home wasn’t permanent. A letter or phone call from a real estate agent could suddenly interrupt our lives, forcing us to move: “The landlord wants to move back into his house… he wants to sell his property… You’re good tenants, so I’m sorry to give you this news.”
I especially didn’t like searching for a house that could accommodate our ever-growing family. Would we find one big enough for a price we could afford? What if the landlord didn’t want loads of kids living in his house? Would he choose a seemingly better tenant?
We always found a suitable place to live without a problem. Even when houses were in short supply, we were never homeless. We prayed and trusted God was looking after us. He always did.
Trust: that was the real problem. Sometimes, I got tired of trusting. I wanted to be in control. I wanted what our friends had: a home that belonged to us. I wanted the illusion of brick security.
After 25 years of moving and loads of fabulous adventures, at a time when we’d stopped thinking about the possibility of homeownership, we received an inheritance. My first thought was: That money can pay our rent for a very long time! Then I had another thought: Could the money be a deposit for a home of our own? I pushed that last thought around my mind, looking at it from all angles. Excitement grew as I let myself believe that our renting days might be over.
We bought a house surrounded by the kangaroo-inhabiting bush in a village close to the town where we went to Mass. On Moving Day, we all cheered as Andy reversed the removal truck crammed full of furniture onto our very own driveway. As we carried our pets and possessions into our house, we thought: We can stay as long as we like! No one would arrive with a clipboard to inspect the house, checking we weren’t damaging it. We could paint the rooms any colour we desired, plant flowers and vegetables in the garden or let the weeds grow, hammer a million picture hooks into the walls, and make whatever changes we liked. At first, we did nothing. Our house seemed perfect as it was.
We still live in that house: we’ve been here 16 years. I love my home, but I’m not attached to it. I remember Fr Greg’s words: Security doesn’t lie in bricks and mortar. A house can be taken away without warning. If our home disappears, we’ll be okay.
Perfect houses aren’t what our kids need. When they’ve grown up, perfect jobs won’t keep them safe. Security isn’t about those kind of things.
Secure children know they’ll always be accepted, even if they make mistakes.
They know they are unique and wonderful people who make a difference to the world.
They have interests that are regarded as important. They’re encouraged to use their God-given talents and pursue dreams and aren’t stifled by the words, “You need to be sensible and get a safe job.” Secure kids hear us say, “Yes, give it a go! You’ll be okay even if things don’t work out as expected.”
Secure children are not concerned when we announce: “We have to move again. We’re off on another adventure! I wonder where God’s going to take us this time.” (Of course, some kids find change harder to deal with than others, but that’s a personality thing not something associated with not feeling safe.)
Security is a connected family. It’s unconditional love. It’s trusting God.
So, should we encourage our children to seek security? Oh yes, by our words and example, we need to encourage them to seek security by seeking and trusting God.
Images
The first two ‘life after a bushfire’ photos were taken by Christian Bass, Unsplash. I took the photo below.The only time when our home isn’t a safe refuge from the world is when it’s threatened by a bushfire. Fr Greg could have said, “Security doesn’t lie in bricks and mortar. A house can be burnt down by a bushfire.”
Why We Have No Choice But to Trust
Here’s a related post about unschooling, bushfires and trust.
Big Hearted: Inspiring Stories from Everyday Families
Some time ago, I wrote a story, Moving in the Spirit, about looking for a rental property while pregnant with our sixth child, Thomas. We knew he’d probably die after birth, so this was a very difficult time. Although we did lose our son, the story has a happy ending. It can be found in the book, Big Hearted by Patti Maguire Armstrong and Theresa Thomas.
So, what do you think?
What does security mean to you? Do you worry about your kids’ futures? Have you ever had to rely on God? Why not stop by and share your experiences?