Heavy Metal Music and Keeping Kids Safe

Every birthday, Andy buys Gemma-Rose a heavy metal t-shirt. Our daughter knows nothing about this kind of music except it was a big part of her dad’s life when he was her age. And that makes it special to her.

When Andy and I were young parents, we invited new friends to lunch, and while I was giving them a tour of our home, I noticed how they raised their eyebrows when they saw my huge Stephen King book collection. Although they didn’t say anything directly, the conversation turned towards the subject of keeping our kids safe from the bad influences in the world: books, TV shows, and music. We have to be careful what we allow into our homes. My books were obviously on the unapproved list. What about our heavy metal music collection? I knew I had to get rid of it fast before our new friends discovered it and realised we were irresponsible parents, unlike them.

So Andy reluctantly hauled all his treasured music records and all my books to the tip. I felt sad. Years of our lives were being tossed away into the garbage. But I was also relieved. We’d created a safe home. We could invite people over without worrying about what they’d think of us. Maybe we’d be regarded as good, caring parents and be liked and accepted.

Is heavy metal music dangerous? Should we not read Stephen King books? Did our friends save our kids and us from bad influences? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s not the point of this story.

What I’m thinking about is this:

Often we make decisions based on the opinions and expectations of others. Without considering whether something is good for us or not, whether it suits our family or fulfils our needs and those of our children, we toss away anything that might make us unacceptable in the eyes of other people. All it takes is a few words, the tone of someone’s voice, or some raised eyebrows, and we begin to doubt ourselves.

Why don’t we stand firm and have confidence in our opinions and decisions? Why don’t we trust ourselves? Why are we so easily swayed by other people? Is it because we have a deep longing for acceptance and a place to belong?

Gemma-Rose wears her Metallica t-shirt, which doesn’t indicate a love of heavy metal music. Instead, it represents a connection between a father and a daughter. It’s a symbol of their love.

Love?

Are strong bonds of love and connection the best way to keep our kids safe?

Something Extra

Here’s a short caption about our need for acceptance that I wrote a while ago for Instagram:

We could be too afraid to be ourselves because what if no one likes who we really are? What if people disagree with our opinions? What if they think we’re strange? If we’re honest, will we lose our friends?

Perhaps it’s safer to pretend we’re just like everyone else so that we’re accepted because it could be lonely not having a place to belong.

But does that kind of ‘belonging’ satisfy us? Will it bring us happiness? Or do we realise that, although we might fool other people, we can’t deceive ourselves? Belonging is only an illusion.

So, shall we aim for acceptance? Or will we be brave? Say what we believe, live our own lives instead of someone else’s, and be ourselves.

If we pretend, will we end up being accepted by a group of people who are all too afraid to be themselves?

So, I’m wondering if you’ve ever thrown anything away, not because you truly believed it was unsafe for your kids, but because you were afraid of what people might say about your choices.