Christian Unschooling: Unpredictability and Lack of Control
Life is often unpredictable, isn’t it? It’s strange how we are slow to accept this. We think that if we hold on to control with all our might, we can make things turn out the way we want. At least, that’s what I used to think.
There was a time when I said I accepted that God was in control of my life, but, though I didn’t want to admit it, I still thought there was a way to get what I wanted. Perhaps I could control God. (That now seems such a ridiculous idea!) All I had to do was anticipate what He required of me and do it.
So, I went to Mass, said my Rosary without fail, and tried to be a good person. I threw in a few extra devotions to be on the safe side. Surely, God was pleased with me. He wants us to become holy, and I was executing a great plan to ensure I would get to Heaven. God could leave me alone to get on with my life. I had it all under control.
What I feared most was suffering. I wanted a happy, peaceful life without any pain. But one day, despite praying a lot and trying to do all the right things, I encountered grief. I’d already had a big taste of it when I lost many babies to miscarriage, but that was before I put my faith plan with all its devotions into practice. When our unborn baby was diagnosed with an abnormality incompatible with life, I just couldn’t understand what God was doing.
Thomas was born and died a day later, and I grieved—such an overwhelming, heart-wrenching pain. As I prayed, I realised I’d hit rock bottom. I couldn’t make things better. For the first time ever, I was ready to give my life completely to God.
Handing over control to God and trusting Him flowed over into our unschooling life. We can’t choose to trust God in only certain areas of our lives, can we? Unschooling is no different from anything else, though I don’t think all Christians agree. Maybe there was a time when I also believed it was my God-given duty to be in complete control of my kids. I had to teach them the faith and make sure they stayed faithful. It was up to me to make sure they got an education that prepared them perfectly for their adult lives.
But parenting this way made me anxious. I put a lot of pressure on myself and my kids. Conflict arose, which I didn’t like, but it couldn’t be helped. That’s just the way life had to be if I were to be a good parent.
One day, I was ready to admit that the burden of responsibility was too heavy for me. Even if I could soldier on a bit longer, I knew the pain, the conflict, and the breakdown of our family connections weren’t worth it.
I’d also begun to realise that however hard I tried, my kids and their future lives wouldn’t turn out exactly the way I hoped. Despite my efforts, they’d still face challenges, suffer, and make mistakes. I couldn’t manipulate my children’s futures. I couldn’t create conditions that would eliminate hardships and pain and ensure a smooth pathway through life for them.
Of course, I kept sharing my faith and encouraging my kids to learn and grow, but I also acknowledged that God was in control and stopped putting pressure on myself and my family. Conflict dissolved.
I sometimes wonder why we think we can effectively prepare our kids for a life that will often be outside of their control by trying to control their lives now. Why do we give them the false impression that if only they grip firmly and do not let go, they will always stay in control? Wouldn’t it be better to show our children how to deal with unpredictability?
So how do we deal with life's unpredictable nature?
I think God wants us to trust Him, do our best, and make our homes places of peace and security, and not conflict and uncertainty. We must love as God loves us: unconditionally. We need to accept, encourage, help, and forgive one another.
We may not always be able to steer our lives the way we’d like, but choosing to love in this way is definitely within our control.
That’s what I think Christian unschooling is all about.
