Unschool: Hair Dye Criticism

“She dyed her hair!” A frown. Lips turn down. The woman wants to say more, but I look her in the eye and swiftly reply, “Oh yes, doesn’t she look good?” And instead of being hurt by critical words Gemma-Rose grins.

Sometimes I’m surprised by the critical comments that fall from lips. Why do people think they have the right to say things that might hurt our kids? Do they believe their opinions are important and we need to hear them? Or are they just thoughtless and don’t realise the effect of their words?

A few months ago, while shopping, we met a woman we know who said, “I see your girls have dyed their hair.” Her tone of voice was all wrong. I knew she wasn’t about to compliment my daughters.

But before the woman could say something critical, I jumped in. I looked her in the eye and said, “Oh yes! They’ve been having fun. Don’t they look good?”

“Well, at least they chose a natural colour.”

“They’ve already experimented with blue,” I replied with a grin. “That colour looked fabulous!”

Before the woman could decide what to say next, we finished the conversation by wishing her a happy day. Then linking arms with each other, we hurried off.

Sometimes we can turn conversations around, preventing people from uttering their critical words, which could hurt our kids.

Years ago, I wasn’t as concerned about my kids’ feelings as I am now. What I worried about was other people’s opinions of us. I used to say to my children, “Don’t do anything that will reflect badly on our family.” I meant, don’t do anything that will result in criticism and might ruin my reputation as a parent.

I’m still concerned about how my kids are reflecting our family, but these days, I hope they reflect our unconditional love, acceptance, respect, trust, and sense of fun and adventure.

So, my girls have fun with their hair. And if anyone doesn’t like what they do and tries to express their opinion, I’ll try and divert the criticism. I’ll stand up for my kids. They can rely on me. We’re a team.

We could stay under the radar, refraining from doing anything adventurous or different, following the crowd to gain their approval and avoid criticism. Or we could be brave and live life our own way. Grin and have fun.

And be kind to those who don’t understand because most people are kind-hearted and don’t intend to hurt us with their words. At least, that’s what I want to believe.

So, what do you think? Blonde, white, brown, black, grey, red, blue, purple…? What’s your favourite colour of hair?