Years ago, I used to have long lists of things I wanted my kids to do: complete maths problems, memorise spelling words, learn grammar rules. Then there was the school syllabus that they were expected to follow. Had my kids done everything required by the education department? Could I tick off a few boxes?
I used to tick things off knowing deep down that, although my kids had done what was required, they hadn’t really learnt anything. They’d gone through the motions of learning but had retained very little. Because of a lack of interest or need, they’d not really engaged with the work. As soon as they’d completed the maths problems, done the spelling test, and filled out the pages of the grammar workbook, my kids would promptly forget everything they’d learnt.
For a while, I ignored the fact that my ticks didn’t mean anything. I liked my ticks. They looked good. They showed me and the education department that my kids had done the required work. That was important. That was enough. Or was it?
While I persisted in making my kids do things that didn’t result in learning, I was wasting their time and mine. We could have been doing something else, something much more interesting and relevant. But it seemed difficult to let go of those ticks. Why? Maybe because those ticks represented other people’s expectations. It’s true that doing what we’re told can sometimes be frustrating, but it’s also safe. We don’t have to trust ourselves or our kids.
Going our own way requires courage. Even though we might like to do something else, it seems easier to stay with the crowd. Even if we end up battling with our kids, we might resist doing something different. Battling? Yes, our children might protest about having to do things just so that we can tick them off our list.
[pullquote align=”left” style=”default” width=”300″ size=”16″ line_height=”18″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#222222″]Learning is like food. We can’t force either into a child.[/pullquote]Our children know when we’re wasting their time: “Why do I have to learn this?” They know that our answers don’t make any sense:“Because I said so.”
“Because I’m the parent and you’re the child.”
“Because you never know when you might need to know that.”
(Do we really think we know our kids and their needs better than them?)
More importantly, our children are aware that we can’t make them learn anything they’re not interested in. Learning is like food. We can’t force either into a child.
Unless, of course, we’re willing to bribe, punish or shame our kids. But if we have to use those motivators to make them learn, is that real learning? And is it right to use such tactics?
When my daughter Gemma-Rose was eight, she said, “You can’t make me learn anything I don’t want to learn.” She didn’t say those words because I was trying to force her to learn. No, she’d just been doing some thinking. Kids are surprising. They think deeply. They know what they’re interested in. They know what they need.
Our children don’t need to complete tasks just so we can tick off items on our lists.
Of course, I’ve done lots of ticking for homeschool registration purposes. For example, I’ve ticked off the required outcomes for the NSW school syllabus. But I have always been able to do that without making my kids learn things that they don’t want to know about. Many times they’ve learnt what’s expected as a result of following their passions. They’re curious people. They choose to take an interest in the world. They don’t need someone else’s plan in order to get a fantastic education.
Some Extra Things
Gemma-Rose’s words, “You can’t make me learn anything I don’t want to learn,” come from the post, Making Children Learn What They Don’t Want to Know
I’ve written many posts about homeschool registration and record-keeping. I’ve made some podcasts too. You could browse my registration and record-keeping page.
You might be interested in this post: How We Unschool Despite Strict Homeschool Regulations. (There’s an updated version in my book Curious Unschoolers.)
And here’s a Unschoolgram post from the June and May page about deep thinking kids who know what they need:
Do we really know what’s best for our kids?
8 June 2019
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The other day we were talking about ‘doing enough’. I described a morning I’d spent with my teenage daughter Gemma-Rose and said, “Did we do enough? Probably most people would think we didn’t do much at all… We spent a lot of time talking and listening and soaking up the joy of the moment. And learning things that have nothing to do with maths but everything to do with love.”
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I’ve been thinking about how our time with our kids is limited. We won’t always be able to sit and chat and listen, give our children time and space to find out who they are, what’s important to them, what they believe… Give our kids what they need so that they know without a doubt that they are loved and uniquely valuable people. If we don’t use this opportunity now while we have it, we won’t be able to reclaim it later. But, of course, it will never be too late to learn such things as maths if we do discover our kids are missing some needed piece of knowledge.
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Perhaps parents worry more about ‘doing enough’ during the teenage years. Time is running out. Will our kids have all the knowledge they need? Should we cram more facts and skills into them? Or should we give our teenagers what they really need? Should we love and enjoy them and pass on our confidence that they will get where they want to go?
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This is my daughter Imogen. She and sister Sophie joined me for episode 147 of my podcast: A Big Chat About Unschooling Teenagers. What do our teenagers need? Why don’t we ask them? Sometimes we think we know what is best for our kids, but is that really true?
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Photos
If you ever get worried about having to fulfil homeschool registration requirements, you could suggest an outing to a museum or art gallery or science centre. Everyone will have a fantastic time, and then when you get back, when no one’s looking, you can get out the school syllabus and tick off a few boxes!
I took these photos in the National Museum of Australia. They are very grainy photos because they were taken with a high ISO in low light conditions. I wasn’t going to use them, but then my daughter Sophie said, “Embrace the graininess, Mum. It gives a vintage look to your photos.” So I’m embracing graininess and not perfection!
Unschoolgram
Well, I can now tick off something on my to-do list: I’ve written a blog post! What’s next? Shall I post something on Unschoolgram? That could be good. Or maybe it will be a waste of time? It depends on whether anyone hops over to Unschoolgram to read it. Will you?
You might know that I’m transferring my Instagram posts to Unschoolgram. So far, I’ve moved all the posts going back to January 2019. I’m about to start work on the posts from November and December 2018. Are the old posts worth reading? Or are they out of date? Well, you might already have heard some of the news such as the publication of my unschooling books, but there are plenty of unschooling thoughts and ideas from months gone by that might be interesting and helpful!
If you’d like to keep up with my new Unschoolgram posts, at the moment, I’m posting on the 2019 October and September Unschoolgram page!
So, do you tick off boxes? Perhaps you are required to do this to fulfil homeschool registration requirements? If ticking boxes is unavoidable, have you found a way to not waste time by making your kids learn things that they’re just not interested in?
I am so glad you’re turning your Instagram posts into Storygram posts – now I can read them! I only use Facebook (occasionally) and I’m enjoying reading what you’ve been putting on Instagram, Sue.
I think your grainy photos look fine. They remind me of photos my girls have taken and then they use special effects on them. 🙂
It would be wonderful to only have to tick off boxes for homeschool registration, but in Queensland every year we need to fill in 2 pages of questions for each child and send in samples of three subjects which are done at least three months apart, showing how our child has progressed over time. We call the samples “work for the government” which the girls know they have to do.
Alison,
You’re right: only having to tick off boxes to fulfil registration requirements would be simple! We have a different system to yours. We have to provide a plan for the coming registration period and provide evidence that our kids have met the school syllabus outcomes for the past one and are progressing. I have a copy of the outcomes that I ticked off once they’d been met, but I also had to show our AP what my kids had been doing. Fortunately, we didn’t have pages of questions to answer!
Do you prefer sending in your documentation or would you like to meet with an AP in person? A few years ago, we had the option to register by mail, but this was discontinued when the education department suspected that some homeschoolers were copying each other’s documents.
NSW has always had a reputation for being a difficult state for homeschool registration. However, I wonder if things are harder for you. When we first started homeschooling, only teachers could homeschool their kids in Queensland. This meant that there were many unregistered homeschoolers who tried to remain invisible. Things have changed, but maybe the requirements are still tougher than they need to be?
I’m glad you’re enjoying my Storygram posts. I shall keep posting them!
I think I would prefer an AP to visit us so I didn’t have to do so much paper work myself. I have heard that Queensland has the highest number of unregistered homeschoolers in Australia (though I’m not sure how anyone could know that!) and I think it’s all the paperwork (including an educational plan for the coming year) which puts many off registering.
Alison,
It does seem strange that Queensland has been declared the state with the highest number of unregistered homeschoolers when there’s no actual data. Perhaps your state has the lowest percentage of registered homeschoolers compared to the total population and someone has decided that this means your homeschoolers are all hiding somewhere! (I guess that could be true!)
I feel very fortunate that in Florida it is relatively easy to unschool. A certified teacher just needs to review some work and sign an affidavit stating that my kids have progressed over the year commensurate to their abilities (this is one option available in our state). The last two years we have done this virtually and last year I even used a photo collage as the majority of the “work” to be reviewed. I know that not every place has it so easy, but I am grateful that I can unschool in peace in regards to the state. Because honestly, unschooling has caused more than its fair share of friction between my in-laws and myself. They are the ones who expect me to tick boxes just to please them!
Natalia,
I hadn’t considered that family members might expect more box ticking than the education department. That must be difficult for you. I hope that one day your in-laws will understand the choices you’ve made. Further down the track, maybe they’ll be willing to recognise the fruits of unschooling. I remember people telling me that our kids turned out (surprisingly) okay!
Hahaha! You’ve got to love those backhanded compliments!
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