Dinner tables, car rides, bedtime chats, and café corners are the real places where unschooling lives and grows. Conversations—often unscheduled, informal, and unplanned—can become the central structure of a learning life.
Gathering at the Dinner Table
In our house, we never met for breakfast or lunch. Those were meals where people ate what, where and when they liked. But we always gathered at the table in the evening. This gave us a sense of belonging. [00:18:00] The table was our circle… For us, eating at a table was a way of bonding us together.
Traditions are like a family language or family jokes. This is what we do in our family. When we had visitors, they joined in around the table, and I always remember my kids wanting to extend the invitation, especially to their own guests, “Come and meet my family. Sit at our family table.”
The Value of Family Conversations
I think one of the good things about talking around a dinner table is getting used to communicating well with other people. We didn’t use the dinner table as a formal way of teaching communication skills. It came up naturally. We learnt to listen to each other, take turns and made sure everybody was part of the conversation.
The table teaches us things like storytelling. We learn how to tell a story or just share what’s on our minds. The thing I think that we have learned the most from the dinner table is to include everybody. One of the worst things that can happen [00:26:00] around the table is when side conversations break out or somebody doesn’t get to say anything. Someone can get lost, especially when there are a lot of people talking.
I remember when one of my children was a teenager, maybe, and she went somewhere socially. She said that all the other teenagers were very good at talking, but none of them were good at listening. She had to really fight to say something, and they weren’t really interested in what she had to say anyway, so she gave up. She said they hadn’t learnt to listen to the other person and to take an interest in them. All they were concerned about was telling what they wanted to say, which might have been interesting, but conversations are back and forth interactions between people. We all have an input. We all say something. A conversation is not a monologue.
I think sitting around the table does give us a [00:27:00] chance to make sure that everybody is able to talk if that’s what they want to do. It’s good preparation for social occasions, I think, but in a natural way. It’s not like this is a training ground, and these are the rules we have to abide by. We might say Hey, somebody over there wants to say something. Let’s listen to her. It’s very informal, but I think that’s what we’ve got out of having conversations with quite a few people around a table.
Listening to Each Other’s Opinions
We’re talking about passing on things to [00:41:00] our kids through conversations. I think we do it all the time. But I have learned so much from talking with my kids. Conversation is a two-way relationship. We don’t have any preconceived ideas about what we want or what we expect out of the conversation. This is not a vehicle for me to push information into my kids. It’s a time when we exchange ideas, thoughts, and get to know each other.
I have been amazed at what my kids have taught me. My whole blog is full of stories about this. I sit and have a deep conversation about something, and then I think, I’ve got to go write some notes about this because I don’t want to forget what I’ve just learned. And I’ll turn my thoughts into a blog post. My kids have seen the world very differently to the way I [00:42:00] saw the world growing up, and they’re still teaching me things. So, conversation is a two-way process.
The other thing I was thinking about is that in a conversation, anything goes. You might want to offer your opinion, but you have to be willing to listen to the other person and accept what they say if they disagree with you.
You can have a really deep, interesting conversation even if you are disagreeing, as long as there’s always the ‘rule’ that you accept and don’t keep squashing the other person all the time, preventing them from saying what they want to say. I think this happens a lot with parents and kids.
Kids might say something we don’t agree with, and then we get worried and think, oh, that’s bad. How can you believe that? And [00:43:00] we want to squish it before our kids have really worked things out for themselves. If their opinion is wrong, they’re not going to work it out just by us telling them they’re wrong. If we do that, they’re going to go quiet, I think. They’re not going to want to talk to us about it. Of course, their opinion might be right. The other thing I’ve learned is that sometimes I think, Where did they get that opinion from? That’s wrong, and then after a while, I think, Well, maybe they have a point there.
Long-Form Podcast Conversations
Think about how much we learn from conversations. Sometimes, instead of people reading what I’ve written, I’d love to sit around the table and talk with them. Then we could have the back and the forth of a conversation and really get to the nitty gritty of [01:15:00] unschooling. Because you don’t really know what somebody needs or what somebody’s feeling or whatever unless you have a conversation with them.
I think we could help people so much more if we got a cup of coffee and sat around the table and shared our experiences and listened to theirs and just let the conversation flow naturally. Quite often I hear, Oh, I wish we could meet up and have a conversation. Blogs, books, videos and everything else is good, but…Wouldn’t it be lovely to meet in person and have a conversation?
I guess this is why people listen to long-form podcast conversations. It’s like being a fly on the wall, isn’t it? We can’t all have these long conversations, but [01:16:00] we can listen to other people’s.
I hope these edited-for clarity (and to make myself sound more articulate!) excerpts from S2E7 of The Ladies Fixing the World podcast have whetted your appetite. I hope you’d now like to listen to the whole conversation about unschooling conversations that I had recently with Cecilie Conrad and Sandra Dodd!
The Video Version
Chapters in this episode
8:14 The Role of Conversation in Unschooling
20:59 The Importance of Family Dinners
31:57 Conversation Alternatives: Cars, Hikes, and More
47:06 Learning Through Conversations: Stories and Experiences
57:06 The Balancing Act of Listening and Teaching
1:07:06 Exploring Morality Through Dialogue
The Audio Version
Also available on all other podcast platforms – find the links here.
Show Notes
Dinner tables, car rides, bedtime chats, café corners—this episode dives into the real places where unschooling lives and grows. Cecilie Conrad, Sandra Dodd, and Sue Elvis examine how conversations—often unscheduled, informal, and unplanned—become the central structure of a learning life.
They discuss the Danish tradition of the daily family dinner, the rigid rituals of American mealtime culture, and the café catch-ups that shaped Sue’s large family. The conversation travels through memories, cultural habits, and practical insights into how families can hold space for curiosity, connection, and growth—without curriculum, tests, or set agendas.
From Barbie movies to Shakespeare, from family language to late-night moral debates, this episode makes a clear point: talking is the work. The learning isn’t beside the conversation—it’s inside it.
🔗 Links & Resources mentioned:
***** [not “mentioned,” but very applicable]
🔗 Sandra, Sue and Cecilies websites
Some Related Blog Posts
For My Magnificent Supporters
Here’s a post for my Buy Me a Coffee supporters. A virtual coffee helps keep my blog online. It also gives you access to all my password-protected posts.
I don’t like the idea of exchanging money for unschooling help, but, unfortunately, there are lots of bills associated with my blog and podcast. Although they are free to read and listen to, they’re not free to keep online. But that’s okay. Maybe there are a few readers who like what I do and would like to help. That’s why I have an ever-hopeful coffee button on my blog!
Thank you so much to my recent generous supporters!
Curious Unschoolers
We might not be able to sit at a table and have a long conversation together, but we could meet in the pages of my unschooling books. Here are a few words from the introduction to Curious Unschoolers:
I’d… like to speak to you as a friend. As you read these pages, perhaps you can imagine us sitting around your kitchen table, mugs in our hands, chatting about unschooling together.
I’m going to share my family and our experiences. We’ll ponder ideas and thoughts. Our conversation will go deep and wide. It’ll be honest and real. And it’ll be flavoured with love and gentleness.
I hope that you’re going to get excited about the possibilities. I want my words to encourage you, if you haven’t already done so, to set out on an unschooling adventure of your own.
Images
We do a lot of chatting and celebrating at cafe and restaurant tables.
Please feel welcome to stop by and have an unschooling comment conversation!
