Unschooling Isn’t Freedom Gone Wild: Why Choices Matter More Than Ideals

My husband Andy returned to work today after two weeks at home. Holiday time is over. We’ve now moved into term time. A whole term of possibility days stretches before me. I’m free to do whatever I like with my time while Andy is at school. My eyes light up with delight. But then I remember there are many things I must do that I may not want to do.

I have housework, dinner making and dog walking to do. Without Andy’s help, these tasks are mine alone. They’ve got to be done every day. I’m not free to ignore them. Or perhaps I am. Can I choose not to do them? No one’s forcing me to cook, clean and walk dogs.

Andy might arrive home from work and discover I haven’t cooked dinner. I could choose not to wash our clothes. I might tell the dogs, “You’ll have to run around the garden today because I’m not going to take you for a walk.” I could ignore the housework. I could watch YouTube all day or do nothing at all.

I have choices.

But sometimes I choose to give up my freedom and do things I’d rather not do. I cook dinner because I want Andy to enjoy a meal at the end of his day. It’s an act of love. It’s also one of necessity because he’s not the only person who needs to eat. I get hungry as well.

I choose to do the laundry because I want to wear clean clothes and sleep between fresh-scented sheets.

I choose to walk Nora and Quinn because I want happy and healthy dogs. And it’s not only them who enjoy walking through the bush. I do as well.

Years ago, I used to think unschooling was about being free to do whatever I liked. That sounded good. I could do anything or nothing—my choice.

But since then, I’ve discovered that we’re not as free as we might think. We must obey the laws of the community we choose to live in. We can only homeschool if educating our children at home is a legal option in our country. We can only choose unschooling if both parents agree to this way of raising and educating kids. If we have the option to unschool, we still might not be able to do exactly what we want because the education department might demand evidence that our kids are learning what it decides is important.

Even if we’re free to unschool however we like, that doesn’t mean our kids can do whatever they want. Like me and my term full of possibility days, they must consider their choices and make the right ones for themselves and those around them. Instead of forcing them to do what is right, we can guide them so they freely make the appropriate choices. Of course, kids sometimes make poor choices. Parents do as well. 

But what are the right choices? Could those depend on who we are? What if my right is your wrong? What if our kids see life differently from us? Should we accept that we can’t label any choice ‘right’ or ‘wrong’? Or are there certain things we can all agree we should or shouldn’t do?

Cecilie Conrad, Sandra Dodd and I discussed freedom and choices in S2E12 of The Ladies Fixing the World podcast. Perhaps you’d like to listen to our conversation.

The Video Version

The Audio Version

Also available on all other podcast platforms – find the links here.

Shownotes

In this episode, Cecilie, Sandra, and Sue unpack the popular—but often misleading—idea of freedom in unschooling. What does it really mean to live freely, and what’s the cost when freedom becomes the goal instead of a tool?

They discuss how some families rush into radical unschooling, letting go of all structure without understanding the role of guidance, responsibility, and deschooling. Sandra shares stories of families who confused “freedom” with letting go too fast—leaving children overwhelmed and relationships strained.

The conversation explores the difference between being free and making good choices. True unschooling isn’t about abandoning rules—it’s about creating rich lives where children learn through real decisions, not in the absence of boundaries but within thoughtful, responsive relationships.

They also address the legal and social realities unschoolers face, the dangers of turning unschooling into a competitive performance, and the importance of peaceful family dynamics. Unschooling can work—but only when parents are engaged, informed, and honest with themselves and their children.

Sandra, Sue and Cecilie’s websites

• https://sandradodd.com
• https://storiesofanunschoolingfamily.com
• https://cecilieconrad.com

🗓️ Recorded June 11, 2025. 📍  Åmarksgård, Lille Skendsved, Denmark

Today, I chose to do a load of washing. I swept the kitchen, washed the dishes, cleaned the kitty litter tray, and emptied the garbage bin. Nora, Quinn, and I walked through the bush.

I didn’t mop the floors or sort the top shelf of the kitchen dresser. I didn’t remove the dust from the top of the piano. I didn’t watch video after video after video on YouTube. Instead, I wrote this blog post.

When we’re free to do what we like, our choices depend on our priorities. What is important to us? What do we want to achieve? Today, I decided to write about choices and freedom because I wanted to provide something interesting to ponder. Helping parents who wish to unschool is important for me. I also wanted to let you know about our latest Ladies Fixing the World podcast episode. I think you’ll enjoy it!

So, what is important to you? To live a free life doing whatever you like with no one telling you what to do? Or is freedom more complicated than that? Is it about deciding what is right and what you’d like to achieve, examining the available choices, and then doing what is possible so you and your family live a rich and fulfilling life?

Our families’ options may differ. So might our choices. But there’s something we are all free to choose. We can choose to respect our kids and love them unconditionally.

What do you think?

Images

Splashing through the puddles in the bush with Nora and Quinn.