Unschooling: Making the Right Choices

Years ago, when life was overwhelming, and I was looking for yet another way to homeschool my kids, I was tempted to unschool. I thought if we were unschoolers, we could do whatever we liked, and if we didn’t want to do anything, that would be okay. Because unschooling is about freedom, isn’t it? We are free to choose what we do, so we can choose to do nothing at all.

I discovered that unschooling doesn’t work that way. Yes, we are free to choose, but we have to be careful what we choose to do. Doing what we like all the time isn’t as good as it sounds. It’s not enjoyable. It’s not satisfying.

Not so long ago, I did a lot of nothing because I got fed up with exercising. One morning, I said, “Sue, forget about your workout and do what you want!” Instead of pulling on my shorts and t-shirt and moving my body, I chose to sit still, watch YouTube, and drink coffee because I was free to make this choice.

For a while, I enjoyed this new way of starting my day. I avoided a lot of hard work. I enjoyed my morning coffee. I liked doing nothing much at all.

Then niggling inconvenient thoughts arrived. Should I pay more attention to my health rather than take the easy path? But I banished these thoughts by telling myself that I’m getting older. It’s okay to slow down when you reach my age.

But the other day, I faced the truth: labelling myself as old was an excuse. I needed to get back to work because it might be enjoyable to do only what we like for a while, but that’s not enough. We all need challenges.

So, I’m working out again. And it feels good. That’s the thing about work. It might be hard, but it’s satisfying in a way that self-indulgent laziness isn’t.

Of course, we all need times of inactivity and reflection. They can be productive in their own way. I certainly sorted out a few thoughts and feelings as I rested on the sofa, letting my fitness slip away along with my muscle strength. But eventually, we need to get up and do something worthwhile.

As well as working my body, I need to work my brain. I’ve been thinking about that, too. Perhaps it’s time to get back to my blog and write a few posts. I could ponder some thoughts by telling a few new stories and adding some old posts from the archive.

When we think about extending ourselves, exerting a bit of effort, our brains often tell us why we shouldn’t do the very thing we should do. I had to fight this thought: “Sue, your blog is finished. You’ve got nothing new to say.” This might be true, but who knows what may appear as I’m telling a story? And even if I produce nothing new, I’ll be moving, and we need to move to get somewhere else.

We often need to fight our inclinations, don’t we? One thing parents often fight is the temptation to push kids to fill their time with what we believe are worthwhile things. We don’t want them to waste their time. We want to prepare them for the realities of the world. We’d like them to be happy. But making kids do what we think is right isn’t the answer. So, what do we do?

Here are a couple of posts that might have some answers. They could be relevant to today’s story.

Misconceptions: Unschooling Children Won’t Choose to Do Difficult Things

I often run down the main fire trail that winds its way through our local bush. The track descends gently at first, but then drops away so steeply that I have to take care not to lose my footing. After I have descended 57 metres from my starting elevation, I turn around, ready to make the return journey. It doesn’t take long for the muscles in my legs to start burning as I climb back up the rock-strewn sandstone track. When I get to the midpoint of the ascent, I always have the same thought: Why did I run down so far? This isn’t fun at all. I’m never doing this again. But of course I do.

I wonder why I put myself through such agony, time after time. It’s not as if there’s anyone watching me. No one would know if I cheated and didn’t descend quite so far. I could stop running at any point, and it wouldn’t matter at all. So why do I choose to do something so difficult?

Why We Should Freely Choose to Do Difficult and Unpleasant Things

Let’s be realistic: no one will freely choose to do what’s difficult and unpleasant, will they?

A mother once told me this is exactly what she believed: “My kids won’t do things like chores unless I force them.”

I asked how she knew that, and she replied, “Because I know myself. I’m lazy. I often avoid doing things that are not pleasant.”