When Our Unschooling Days Turn Grey

Life has felt grey for a while. The fog of tiredness hangs over me, trapping me in my own isolated world. Occasionally, after a reasonable sleep, the grey recedes, revealing bright delights and joys, and I think about how blessed I am to be living my life. My spirits lift. I rejoin the bigger world, thinking about how I can contribute to it. But on the whole, the fog swirls around, and I feel stuck. And sometimes desperate.

It’s hard moving through difficult days, trusting we’re on the right path. We question. What am I doing wrong? (Why can’t I sleep?) We try this, we try that, but sometimes there are no answers. Sadly, we can’t fix things, but have to accept where we are and keep moving forward the best that we can, trusting we’re still going in the right direction.

Of course, we could stay stuck, giving up, saying, “Perhaps I don’t need to do what I thought I should do. It isn’t important. It doesn’t matter.”

Sometimes unexpectedly, we receive help, a boost, a delight, something that lifts us above the fog, that makes us think, “I can do this! I’m where I need to be.”

After weeks of wanting to write but being stuck at the bottom of a pit of exhaustion, unable to see a way out, tempted to believe that my writing days are over, a couple of friends reached out, offering generous help, practical and encouraging, inviting me to keep sharing, making me believe I still have a place in the unschooling world.

And so here I am on an Australian mid-summer’s day that started with thick fog shrouding the bush in mystery, but has now become clear, hot, and still. We sit beneath the ceiling fans, knowing they’re inadequate for the heat that’s building. They’re not going to prevent us from becoming sweaty and sticky.

We? My husband Andy is home on holiday, relaxing before the new school term begins at the end of January.

Andy reads while I write. I write about grey days that are difficult to endure.

We had some grey unschooling days as my kids were growing up. Things didn’t always feel good. The fairytale life I wanted for my family sometimes dissolved into chaos and tears. Mistakes. Problems. Harsh words. Doubts. What was wrong? Was unschooling the problem? Or was it me? Perhaps I just wasn’t unschooling properly?

Do we ever unschool properly? Years ago, I wrote a post called Are You a Proper Unschooler? I created a Facebook group called The Not So Proper Unschoolers. Both the post and the group were extremely popular, which makes me think there are lots of parents stumbling their way through their unschooling days.

It can be a relief to admit we’re not perfect, that we haven’t got everything worked out. Smiling and insisting our lives are absolutely wonderful every day of the year is hard, lonely work. We have to hide our regrets, mistakes, problems, concerns, and times when we flounder and don’t know what to do. We can’t ask for help, understanding, and empathy from a friend. We can’t take grey days in our stride, knowing everyone experiences them.

I sometimes wonder why we want to appear perfect. Do we think others will like us, admire us, want to be us if it looks like we’ve got everything under control? Do we believe that those we’d like to help and encourage need a perfect example? Do parents want to hear, “Just do what I do, and you too will have a perfect life”?

Unfortunately, a perfect life is impossible. All those attractive family photos and upbeat captions we see on social media only tell part of the story. No one has life worked out. No one has found the magic way to bring up perfect kids. There isn’t one. I’m absolutely convinced about that.

So, what do we do? We keep moving forward, doing what we think is right, asking for forgiveness for the inevitable times we fail, picking ourselves up and trying again. And we love.

We love each other without judgement. We love our kids unconditionally. We continue to unschool.

If you need support and encouragement…

You’ll always find them here. (I’ve been thinking about creating a support group but haven’t got very far with that idea.)

Check out the Virtual Kitchen Table community. Erin is the host. She’ll give you a very warm welcome.

Listen to these Ladies Fixing the World episodes:

S2E10: Is It Working? Wrestling with Doubt in Unschooling

S3E2: Unschooling: Coping with the Unexpected 

A big thank you…

Thank you to my fabulous supporters, who, with their donations, keep this blog ticking along. You also lift me out of my tiredness, making me feel I still have something valuable to say.

A few things I might do in 2026:

• Turn my blog into a series of ebooks. I’ll probably make them available on Buy Me a Coffee for my faithful supporters.
• Share our The Ladies Fixing the World podcast episodes as they are published. (We’ve recorded all the Season 3 episodes.)
• Erin has invited me to be a guest again on the Virtual Kitchen Table podcast.
• Write a series of articles for the Virtual Kitchen Table community.
• Record bonus Stories of an Unschooling Family podcast episodes to extend the ones I’ve already published with extra thoughts and ideas.
• Extend the blog posts I’ve already written with graphics, extra resources, and maybe summaries of the main unschooling ideas.

The short version of this post

• Difficult seasons bring self-doubt, unanswered questions, and the need to accept what can’t be fixed while continuing forward.
• There is a temptation to give up or decide that one’s calling or work or way of life no longer matters.
• Unexpected encouragement from friends can lift the fog and restore hope and purpose.
• We can experience grey days, marked by chaos, mistakes and doubt, while unschooling.
• Many parents struggle with feeling they are not “proper” unschoolers, revealing how common imperfection is.
• Pretending life is always wonderful creates loneliness and prevents asking for help.
• The idea of a “perfect” life or parenting approach is an illusion, often reinforced by social media.
• No one has life or parenting completely figured out; there is no magic formula.
• The way forward is to keep going, learn from failures, seek forgiveness, try again, and love.
• Unschooling is rooted in unconditional love, acceptance, and moving forward together despite imperfections.

So, what do you think? Do you ever have grey days? Do you ever feel like giving up? I wonder if you’ve found a supportive community or encouraging friends. Are you interested in any of the things I might do in 2026?