Joy

Yesterday, my husband Andy said, “What shall we do for Good Friday?” and I shrugged my shoulders and said, “I don’t know. Say some prayers? Read the readings?”

“Do you want to watch the Celebration of the Passion of Our Lord online?”

“No.” Short and simple, firm. I want go to church and celebrate properly, not sit in front of a screen and watch from a distance.

Lent has been hard work. Wanting what I cannot have. Rejecting what’s possible but not the same. Thinking, It’s just not right. Digging in my heels and resisting. Refusing to accept what I cannot change.

Just after 3 pm, I don’t know why, I didn’t intend to, I headed to YouTube. Music, a choir, spilled from my iPad. And Andy called out, “What’s that?”

“The Passion of Our Lord. It’s streaming live from St Mary’s Cathedral.”

“Can we watch?”

“I guess so.”

I closed my iPad. Someone found the YouTube app and the link on our TV. A few moments later, the cathedral appeared on our screen.

There was the archbishop, the deacon, the readers.

I watched, arms tightly crossed.

The familiar words:

Harshly dealt with, he bore it humbly,

he never opened his mouth,

like a lamb that is led to the slaughter-house,

like a sheep that is dumb before its shearers

never opening his mouth. 

Then, all of a sudden, a crack appeared. And despite the sorrow of Good Friday, joy slipped in. It slipped under my folded arms. It bubbled up inside me, warm and bright.

By the time the archbishop was processing out of the cathedral, I was ready to say, “I wonder if the Vigil Mass will be streamed tomorrow night.”

“If it is, can we watch it?”

“We could light some candles.”

“We’ve never been to a Mass at the cathedral before.”

“All those psalms and readings... I can’t wait!”

Excited anticipation. Easter is almost here!

Things are far from right. There’s still pain despite the joy. But there is also love and hope. And so tonight, when darkness falls, as always, we shall follow the light, and raise our voices and sing.

As St John Paul II said:

We cannot abandon ourselves to despair. We are an Easter people and Alleluia is our song!

Happy Easter!