The Premature End

I’m going to do something I shouldn’t because it’s breaking the rules. But I’m going to do it anyway.I’m breaking my blogging pact. Yes, two weeks in, and I want to quit. My heart just isn’t in it.

I know it’s not good to base our decisions on our feelings. We all have bad weeks. Perhaps we’re just stumbling over a rock on an otherwise smooth path. The way ahead might be clear. We’ll feel differently tomorrow. And even if we don’t, isn’t it better to persevere through the challenges instead of giving up?

Today, those arguments aren’t going to win. I just want to end the pact prematurely. I’m basing my decision on how I’ve been feeling for a while.I made the blogging pact as a tiny experiment, hoping it would help me find my next big thing. I planned to write consistently for a month and then look at the data - how did the experiment go? - to decide if I should continue blogging. But already, I know I don’t want my life to revolve around my blog. I don’t want to transfer all the time and effort I used to spend on my unschooling blog to this one.

I no longer want to constantly think about blogging, feeling pressured to come up with stories that need to be published consistently. That turns writing into a chore, something that must be done.

Pushing through and writing regardless of how I’m feeling might be the right thing to do if this were my job, if I wanted to build up my readership, if I wanted to do more than write for pleasure. But I’m not interested in all that.

I still want to discover my next big thing. I need to find a purpose, something worthwhile to do with my days. So, I will keep experimenting, making pacts, which I’ll hopefully keep, and looking at the data. I’d like to try a few things away from my usual online environment because I need to open my front door and go somewhere to meet people instead of spending a lot of time alone. I’m grateful for our dogs, but sadly, they’re not good conversationalists. I often talk to myself.I might go to a Catholic Women’s League meeting for my next tiny experiment. I’ve had a few invitations but always refused them, thinking, “I’m a blogger and podcaster. I don’t go to meetings - unless they’re Zooms. I don’t have the right skills for interacting face-to-face.” I’ve assumed the CWL isn’t my thing. But who knows? It could be. I shall go to a few meetings to find out.

Perhaps I’ll report back and let you know how my experiment is going. I could write a post now and then, just for pleasure without any pressure, because I love writing and connecting with you. You’ve enriched my life with love, encouragement and friendship over the past few years. Thank you. 

Images

A bouquet of dahlias because the cold season has ended and the spring flowers are gorgeous.Jack Swords, Unsplash