I was once a cool kid. And then I wasn’t.
When I was nine, I was clever and lively, one of the kids who got noticed. Best of all, I was part of a girl band that performed on the concrete ‘stage’ behind the toilet block in the school playground each lunchtime. I couldn’t sing very well, but somehow I was accepted. And many girls in my class envied me. Not everyone could belong to our band.
Then something happened: a new school, a new group of girls, and my popularity plummeted. From that moment on, I never regained my cool girl status.
I wonder: what makes someone cool?
The cool girls at my new school were from well-off families with houses that had swimming pools and separate toilets for male and female guests. They wore trendy brand clothes on the weekends, and during the week, they had the knack of transforming their school uniform with daring and individuality without getting into trouble. The cool girls walked differently from everyone else. They had confidence. They owned their space and ours as well. They spoke; we listened. Those of us outside the circle envied them.
A few years ago, after observing the kids at a homeschool event, one of my daughters remarked, “Have you noticed how everyone tries to be like the cool kids? They copy their clothes, the way they speak and what they say. They are too afraid to be themselves because they might do or say something wrong.” If they did that, they could be banished to the fringes of the crowd, like I was.
My daughter said she wasn’t interested in conforming to the group and being like everyone else, just to be cool and accepted. “I’d rather be me.”
The other day, I listened to the Sisters of Life discuss The Danger of Comparison on their Let Love podcast. One of the sisters told the story of how her father always said that being cool is being yourself:
Sister Veritas: He’d always say, being cool is being yourself. That’s literally what I grew up (with)… I might have mentioned this in a previous podcast, but then I was talking to my cousin, and we were talking about something. We were young, like early teens. And I said, “Oh, you know, being cool is being yourself.”
She’s like, “What? No, it’s not.”
I was like, “What? Yes, it is.” I couldn’t believe she didn’t know that. And then I realised that most people don’t think of life like that. So… I had this treasure, you know?
Sister Ann I’maculée: It’s not the slogan in the teenage world.
Sister Veritas: Exactly! But… it’s true though, being cool is being yourself…
From Let Love: The Danger of Comparison, 7 Jul 2025
I used to wonder if unschooling makes kids different from their peers. But now I think unschooling just gives them the freedom to be themselves.
Sister Mary Grace said, “Each one of us is unique, incomparable, unrepeatable.” Why would we all want to be the same? That’s not cool. Being cool is being yourself. Every child should grow up believing that.
That’s why unschoolers are the real cool kids.
And that’s why, once again, I’m cool.
My Starring Role
Here’s a story about my cool girl band days:
Every afternoon, we’d turn on the TV eager to watch the latest Brady Bunch episode or the latest repeat. We must have watched each one a hundred times. We soaked them all up and we longed to be child stars.
A Podcast Conversation
Two pretend postcast hosts discuss my story, Why Unschoolers Are the Real Cool Kids, deep diving into the ideas within it. You might enjoy listening to this episode!
Discover more from Stories of an Unschooling Family
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