The other evening, we were watching an old episode of a cooking competition TV show. It was elimination night.
For three hours, the contestants measured and mixed and baked and decorated. They also made mistakes, felt discouraged, picked themselves back up, and tried again. No one wanted to go home. They all had to keep fighting for their place in the competition.
Eventually, the clock ticked down, and everyone stepped back from their benches. Cooking was over. It was now time for the contestants to present their dishes to the judges.
Bob placed his dessert creation on the table, and one of the judges asked, “What does this competition mean to you? What if you go home tonight?” And Bob, with tears in his eyes, said the competition meant everything to him. He wanted to do well so he could show his parents he was good at cooking and needed to cook because this is what made him happy.
Bob‘s parents hadn’t understood his passion for cooking. They’d had their own ideas about what he should do with his life. They valued academic education and had thought that he should do a university degree. So that’s what he did. But he still dreamed about cooking.
The guest judge, a successful pastry chef, who had had a similar experience with her parents, told Bob that everyone is responsible for his own happiness. We know what makes us happy, and we should pursue our dreams. This might mean doing something that our parents or other people can’t understand. But we have to do what we feel is best regardless of anyone’s opinions.
It can be very difficult doing what we feel is right for us if it differs from our parents’ desires. We seem to have an inbuilt need to please our parents. We want them to be proud of us. We might feel guilty if they seem disappointed with our choices. But still, we have to use our talents and do what brings us joy.
As parents ourselves, we might have our own thoughts about what our kids should do. We think we know what’s best for them. But what if our ideas don’t match theirs? Can we put our opinions aside? Are we willing to trust that our children know what makes them happy? Will we support them in their choices? Not express disappointment or doubt? Get excited and help them in any way we can?
What will happen if we don’t support our kids’ choices? They could end up doing something they hate. Or they could follow their dreams, but their happiness might be tainted with guilt because they think we’re disappointed.
Unfortunately, Bob’s dessert wasn’t good enough. He was eliminated from the competition. But that wasn’t the end of his story. Encouraged by his competition experience, he pursued his dream and now has a career doing what he loves: cooking food.
These are Sophie’s photos of me and the weir at a local river. My teenage daughter and I often take photos together because photography is one of our shared interests. At one time, I thought Sophie might pursue photography as a career. And maybe she still will. But at the moment, she’s working in the hospitality industry. Recently, she was offered the job of managing a cafe. As a sideline, after completing a couple of fitness courses, she might do some personal training.
One thing Sophie has never wanted to do is go to university and pursue an academic career though she was interested in maths for a long time. (That seemed remarkable after a rocky patch where she insisted she hated the subject and wasn’t good at it!)
I’m happy with Sophie’s choices because she’s happy.
Happiness: that’s what we all want for our kids, isn’t it? When we see that they are happy, why should we be disappointed? Our kids will have gained exactly what we wanted to give them. The only question is: will we have helped them along the way? Will we have supported their choices? Will our kids’ happiness be untainted by guilt?
