Are our kids ‘doing enough’? Maybe we often ask ourselves that question. But what do we mean by ‘doing enough’? Do we worry that our children aren’t doing enough Maths, English, science? Or is there something far more important they need to know?
My daughter Gemma-Rose was about 15 when I wrote this story about a day in our family’s unschooling life.
I’ve been thinking about time, love, learning and doing ‘enough’.
Early the other morning, my daughter Gemma-Rose and I went to town so that we could run around the lake. It was cold. We were the only brave people out at that time of day. There weren’t even any of the usual dog walkers strolling along the path. After Gemma-Rose had done some hill sprints, and we’d both run a few laps of the lake, we went to McDonald’s for hot chocolate and coffee to warm us up. We sat for quite some time with our hands around our cups, talking about hills and running and hopes and dreams.
Later, when we arrived back home, we showered and did some chores. Then we made some more coffee, and while we drank it, we chatted with Charlotte and Sophie who both had a day off work. Before we’d finished our drinks, the doorbell rang. And like usual, Quinn ran towards the front door, barking very loudly. We opened the door to discover an abandoned parcel sitting on the ground. The postman was nowhere in sight. Like usual, he’d made a quick get-away. “The postman is going to refuse to bring us our mail if you continue barking,” I scolded the dog. Quinn looked up at me and grinned.
I retrieved the parcel and said, “It’s heavy!” before handing it to Sophie.
“It’s the gym clothes we ordered!” Sophie tore off the wrappings to reveal leggings and tops, not only for herself but for Imogen and Gemma-Rose as well. The girls wanted to try on their new exercise gear so that’s what they did. Once we’d exclaimed, “Oh, that looks good!” and “That fits you perfectly!” we talked about clothes and design and exercise and all kinds of other things.
About 11 am, Charlotte asked, “Does anyone want another cup of coffee or tea?” Then with hot drinks in our hands, Gemma-Rose and I settled down on the sofa, with cats on our knees, to watch an episode of The Portrait Artist of the Year competition. (We found episodes on YouTube.) While we watched, we chatted about the paintings and predicted which artist would win this round of the competition.
Lunchtime arrived, and while I ate a sandwich, I thought about what we had achieved that morning. Did we do ‘enough’? Probably most people would think we didn’t do much at all. But we did. We spent lots of time talking and listening and soaking up the joy of the moment. And learning things that have nothing to do with maths but everything to do with love.
Time is limited, I won’t always be able to sit and chat and listen to my children. I won’t always be able to give them what they need so that they know without a doubt that they are uniquely valuable people who are very loved. If I don’t use this opportunity now while I have it, I won’t be able to reclaim it later.
When all my children have left home, I don’t want to look back and wonder, “Did we do enough?” Did I spend enough time with my kids, loving and enjoying and sharing the most important things in life?
So I’m wondering:
Do you ever worry that your kids aren’t learning enough? Do you feel you should push them to gain as much knowledge as possible?
Or are you, like me, confident that our children are learning what they need to know while they’re following their interests and having wide-ranging conversations and seemingly (in other people’s eyes) doing not much at all?
And have you ever thought about how it will never be too late for our kids to learn any information or skill they may need, but this unique opportunity for connecting with them will one day be gone forever?
I vacillate, sometimes I’ve confident they’re learning plenty and other times I panic and we do a little cramming.
Erin,
It’s easy for our confidence to disappear, isn’t it? After cramming for a bit, do you find yourself relaxing again? I used to find that my resolutions to be more structured didn’t last very long. We soon slipped back into unschooling. It took quite a while to get free of the guilty feeling that we weren’t doing enough!
I am always thinking about whether we “do enough” but just listening and interacting with my kids tells me yes. It won’t fit a standardized test but it will be beautiful, organic learning, specific to each child as an individual.
Jane,
Oh yes! Listening to our kids is the key, isn’t it? When we spend a lot of time interacting with them, it becomes obvious that they are learning what they need to know and growing perfectly!
It is sooooo amazing how they learn whatever interests them, without any meddling from me. The “old” me (and my family) would not have/do not believe. However I have come to realise that by listening, interacting and being a part of the process, it is a beautiful way to learn.
It does feel very rollercoaster-like with my emotions at times but wouldn’t change anything!
Jane,
It’s strange how it was so hard to understand unschooling at the beginning. How could it possibly work? And now it all makes perfect sense. t’s a pity more people aren’t open to the idea of unschooling. It’s difficult to get past all the false ingrained ideas so that we can open up conversations. It sounds like your family isn’t supportive as far as unschooling goes. I wonder if your kids will eventually change their minds. Perhaps talking to them, like you do, will convince them that your children love learning and are doing fine!
It definitely has taken me awhile to understand the true learning process – my kids have taught me so much and I am still learning. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have learnt more about myself and learning than they will ever appreciate. So grateful to be on this journey with them.
Jane,
I’ve also learnt so much since we’ve been unschooling. Unschooling, unlike homeschooling or schooling, is definitely just as much about the parent as it is about the child. And that’s amazing, isn’t it?
It certainly is amazing!! I never realised I would learn so much and benefit from all the amazing things we do … 🙂
I love this post Sue. Absolutely, just like you I’ve seen over and over how learning happens so naturally and so often in the context of ‘nothing much going on’, or at least not much a casual observer might find terribly exciting or noteworthy. Yet so many insights, connections and sparks of curiosity are bubbling away inside.
And in the midst of a particularly busy season here, where I feel like I’ve been rushing about far too much and not enjoying enough of those wonderfully meandering conversation filled days, this was just the reminder I needed today, to slow down and savour the time I get to spend with my children here and now. Thank you x
Hayley,
I’ve been rushing about far too much as well. I spend lots of time driving girls to and from town so that they can go to work and to the gym. Everyone is busy. I miss the long empty days we used to enjoy. However, I take advantage of any time we do have at home to sit and have meandering conversations and just enjoy each other’s company. These times are invaluable, aren’t they? I think the fruits of these kind of days will stay with us forever.
A bit of news: the proof copy of Radical Unschool Love arrived today. I’m feeling excited!
It’s lovely to chat. Enjoy your week!