How It's Okay if We're Not Perfect Parents

Do I want to be as good a mother as Sue Elvis? Or do I want Sue Elvis to be my mother? Perhaps a bit of both.

Another phenomenal book that I’ll read again and again. Sue’s books remind me that there’s so much fun & whimsy to motherhood & childhood. I just love everything about these 2 books and hope more will come soon.

I found the above words in a Goodreads review of my unschooling book, Radical Unschool Love. They were written by Lauren.

As you can imagine, I smiled when I first read this review. I ran to my family and said, “Hey, listen to this!” And then I added, “Does it seem strange someone wants me to be their mother? Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Take her! Lauren, you can have her. She’s not as good as you think!”

Everyone giggled and then someone said, “Oh yes, Mum, we can’t wait to give you away!”

Of course, we were only joking. No one is going anywhere. My kids want to keep me even though I’m not a perfect mother.

I think Lauren knows that I’m far from perfect. You see, she’s read both my unschooling books. Inside their covers, there are many stories that reveal the mistakes I’ve made and the struggles I’ve had as I’ve been parenting my kids. I wanted to be honest and open because we can’t connect and encourage each other if we pretend we’ve got everything worked out perfectly, can we?

So why did Lauren write, “Do I want to be as good of a mother as Sue Elvis? Or do I want Sue Elvis to be my mother?” Why didn’t she criticise me and say, “I never want to be like Sue!”? Well, I’m only guessing, but maybe my stories reassured Lauren that none of us have to be perfect parents. There’ll be times when we fail. And that’s okay as long as we keep trying. Our families will understand. They will forgive us. They might even pull us back to our feet when we fall. They certainly won’t say, “Take her away! You can have her!”

Of course, we have to do something if we want our families to react like this.

In my story Do You Ever Get Tired of Being a Good Example? from Radical Unschool Love, I said:

When I’m not the person I would like to be, I’m still providing my kids with an example. And it’s not a bad one. I’m showing my children that it’s quite okay when we fail to do the right thing. As long as we get back up again and keep trying… sometimes being a good example is very hard work. And so there are days when we fail.

I think our kids understand when we don’t always do what we should. Life can be hard. And we get tired. Maybe there are times when we need a break. Perhaps it’s okay if we’re not perfect. Instead of struggling on, we could give our kids a chance to look after us.

“You stay in bed, Mum, and rest. I’ll make you some breakfast.”

“I’ll sweep the floor for you, Mum. I know you can’t wait to finish that story you’re writing.”

“Why don’t you have a lazy day, Mum. Read a book and do not much at all.”

“Words hurt, don’t they, Mum? Do you want a hug?”

Why would our kids want to look after us? Why do they understand when we can’t keep up, and we fail? Could it have something to do with how we treat them when they also fail to do the right thing?

We don’t expect our kids to be perfect. We understand when they’re tired or impatient to dive into their work or reluctant to leave something that’s absorbing them. We help them out when they’re struggling. We empathise. We don’t criticise.

I try and be a good example for my kids. Sometimes I fail. But that’s okay. When I’m not the person I would like to be, I’m still providing my kids with an example. And it’s not a bad one.

I’m showing my children that it’s quite okay when we fail to do the right thing. As long as we get back up again and keep trying.

Thank you, Lauren, for your very kind and encouraging words.

Encouraging words? We all need these, don’t we? Sometimes parenting can be difficult. If you’re feeling discouraged, I hope you find something helpful in my books.

So I’m wondering:

Do you ever get fed up of being a good example?

Do your kids help you get back on track when you fail?

And have you read Radical Unschool Love?

Photos:

Sophie and I took these photos while we were having a picnic breakfast outing!