Parents, Teenagers and Opinions
Why do some parents want to impose their opinions on their children? Do they do this because they care? Perhaps they want their teenagers to benefit from their experience. Prevent them from going down wrong pathways and making mistakes, ones they might have made when they were younger. Maybe it feels safer to force their teenagers to adopt the ideas they think are right rather than let them develop their opinions for themselves.
Sometimes it can look like teenagers have accepted their parents’ opinions. But do they really agree or have they learnt that it’s best to keep what they think to themselves? Perhaps they feel their parents don’t value what they have to say. When they share their thoughts or ideas or opinions, their parents might cut them off: Where did you get that idea from? That’s ridiculous! This is what you should be thinking… The parent is communicating: I’m the adult and you’re the child. Listen to my opinion because it’s right. And this is frustrating for children. They learn not to share anything with their parents because they don’t want to be lectured every time they open their mouths.
Deep in their hearts, parents know when their teenagers haven’t taken on board their beliefs or opinions. It’s impossible for them to relax and say: They know what they’re doing so I don’t have to worry. They realise that their children don’t own the opinions, that they don’t really belong to them. So they have to keep checking. Find ways of determining whether their kids still have the same opinions and beliefs as them. Keep repeating what they believe to be right.
So how do we deal with any differences in opinion? Well, we can’t say, “You’re wrong!” That’s not the way to get our kids to listen and accept what we have to say. Instead, we can talk together. Share our point of view with a light hand. Listen with interest to theirs. Allow our teenagers to have their opinions even if they are different from ours. If we think they are way off track then we should trust – because we are closely connected to them – that they will eventually come to realise that. With our love and respect and support, they will get to the right place in their own time.
Of course, teenagers sometimes have very good opinions of their own. Adults aren’t always right…
Adapted from some thoughts my daughter Imogen shared in podcast episode 11: Teenagers, Rules and Rebellion.
The other day, I went to town with my teenage daughter Sophie to do some street photography. In the above photo, Sophie is standing on the main street outside Ruby’s, a shop that sells liqueurs, wine and spirits. Despite enjoying an odd glass of red wine, I’ve never been inside this shop. However, we often visit Kish, a jewellery shop, which is close by. It’s one of our favourite places for buying special gifts!
As usual, Sophie and I chatted as we took photos. Sophie is exploring a few new ideas which she wanted to tell me about. Perhaps we will record a podcast together and she can share them with you too.