Should We Push Kids to Use Their Talents, Aim High and Impress?

Do you ever wonder if you should push your kids? Make them do hard things even if they complain. Drill them. Give them a rigorous education.

I’ve heard of kids who, after receiving that kind of education, are now surgeons and lawyers or have some other kind of high-status career. Wouldn’t it be good to say, “My daughter is a doctor!”? We wouldn’t have to prove we did an excellent job homeschooling our kids. It would be obvious. People would congratulate us and be happy for our kids, who now have secure and well paying jobs. All that stress and hard work paid off!

I wonder: would my kids have been doctors and lawyers if we hadn’t unschooled? I know this is a silly question. My children aren’t doctors and lawyers because they’re not interested in those careers. It’s got nothing to do with unschooling. If my kids had wanted to study medicine, if that’s where their hearts and talents lay, they’d have found a way to get there. I wouldn’t have had to force them down a structured educational pathway. Passion would have motivated them to work hard, do what was needed, and achieve their goals.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having a high-status career. We need doctors, lawyers and dentists. These careers suit some people perfectly. But other kids will choose to do something different even if they have the ability to study medicine or law. Some will even do something that not many people think is possible. They’ll follow their hearts and their dreams.

Supporting Our Kids’ Choices

A couple of years ago, I pondered the consequences of forcing kids to choose the career we feel is the best one for them. In my post, Why We Need to Support Our Kids’ Choices, I tell the story of a Masterchef contestant who had done a university degree to please his parents and had ended up very unhappy. What he really wanted to do was cook. The contestant had to decide if he should pursue this passion and risk disappointing his family or continue doing something he didn’t enjoy.

Passionate about High School Maths

Have you heard of Eddie Woo? Although his parents hoped he’d become a doctor or lawyer, he followed his passion for maths and became one of Australia’s leading high school teachers.

Here’s an excerpt about Eddie Woo from another of my blog posts:

The other evening, I watched an episode of Australian Story called Channelling Mr Woo. It was about Eddie Woo, an Australian high school maths teacher:From a humble migrant background to internet stardom, maths teacher Eddie Woo is changing lives by providing free maths lessons worldwide on his Wootube site.

Eddie Woo could have been a doctor or a lawyer. He could have chosen a well-paying high-status career but instead, he chose to be a teacher.

I love this story because Eddie Woo followed his passion and didn't take the safe and secure and expected path. He is a caring and compassionate teacher who is interested in his students. He recognises that a lot of kids don't like maths because they fail to understand it. His mission is to teach maths in such a way that kids do understand it. His engaging teaching style has changed lives.

A few years ago, Eddie Woo started recording videos of his lessons for a student who was absent from class because of a serious illness. Those videos were shared and appreciated, and now Eddie Woo has his own very popular maths Youtube channel: Eddie Woo. You could watch this very short video to see what it's all about:

And here's a recent Eddie Woo Ted Talk:

If you or your kids would like to understand high school maths better and appreciate its beauty and relevance, perhaps you'd like to watch some of Eddie Woo's videos or visit his website Wootube

Of course, not all unschoolers want to study maths in a formal way. But if you like maths, or if you have to do a course before applying to university, maybe Eddie Woo will help you. It's always good to learn from someone who is passionate about his subject!

A Controlled Childhood

Recently, I read Andre Agassi’s autobiography, Open. Despite not being particularly passionate about tennis, I enjoyed this book very much.

Agassi’s father wanted one of his children to become the best tennis player in the world. After failing to achieve this dream with his first three children, he was determined to succeed with his youngest child, Andre.

Agassi tells the story of how his father stole his childhood. Every moment of his life revolved around tennis. Although Agassi did become one of the greatest tennis players of all time, he declared multiple times in the book that he hated tennis and was very unhappy, despite this success. Agassi’s story provides lots of thoughts to ponder about control, talents and parents’ ambitions.

The Problem with High Expectations and Control

In episode 187 of my Stories of an Unschooling Family podcast, my daughter Imogen joined me to discuss the problem of control and high expectations.

Should we push our kids to use their talents?

Here’s something I once wrote for an Instagram caption:

I have discovered that pushing kids to do things they don't want to do is a waste of time. Yes, I can make suggestions and offer opportunities to develop talents, but I then have to step back and let my kids make their own decisions.

But even though I feel this is the right thing to do, a little bit of me still wonders: "But what if she has the talent to be extraordinary? By the time she realises this, it might be too late. Some talents need to be developed early."

The other day, while I was browsing online, I found an article on the Raised Good website called Our Children's Busyness Isn't a Badge of Honour (and Why We Need to Change It). Here’s a quote from it:

I was fortunate enough to see Dr. Shefali Tsabury speak at an event in Vancouver recently. After her talk the audience was free to ask questions. A father asked, “How do we know how much to push our kids in sports and activities when they want to give up?” I will never forget Dr. Shefali’s answer. She said, “Mozart was always going to be Mozart. No matter what his parents did, he would have found anything that was black and white and played it.” Her message was clear; we don’t need to push our kids.

Mozart was pushed by his parents, but if he hadn’t been, would he still have developed his extraordinary talent for music? Would he have been unable to suppress his love of music? Would he still have found a way?

The Podcast Version of This Post

If you’d like to listen to an audio version of Should We Push Kids to Use Their Talents, Aim High and Impress?, here it is!

Photo

My husband, Andy, and I visited Parliament House in Canberra. Maybe some of our kids will become politicians. If they become prime ministers of Australia, one day, their portraits will be displayed in the gallery at Parliament House for all to see!

So, what do you think?

If you’ve been wondering if you should push your kids to use their talents and perhaps aim for a high-status career or one that displays extraordinary talents, I hope you find something useful to ponder in this post!

If you have any thoughts or stories, please stop by to share them!