When Children Move Out of an Unschool Home
Do you ever have mixed emotions about big events in your family’s life? A few days ago, my feelings were all over the place.
“Today’s an exciting day,” I told two of my daughters on Thursday morning. “I bet you can’t wait to pick up the keys to your new home.”
Then, my following words were: “Today is a sorrowful day. How will I survive without you?”
As Imogen stretched out her arms to engulf me in a comforting hug, she noticed I was wearing my cardigan inside out.
I turned it the right way, saying, “I told you I need you. Once you move into your own house, who will ensure I’m dressed properly each day?”
“You’ll still have Gemma-Rose.”
That’s true. My youngest daughter will still be here, the last of our kids living at home.
A few tears spilt from my eyes. It’s hard. It’s exciting. We’re moving onto a new stage of our lives.
Some parenting ‘experts’ advise us to push our kids out of the family home as soon as possible. They tell us to make our kids stand on their own two feet. But my husband and I have ignored this advice. We’re happy for our kids to remain with us as long as they need to be here. Some of them moved out of home when they were 18 or 19. Some stayed longer. Now, we only have one child left.
I’ve always been grateful that our kids like living at home. They haven’t been desperate to get away from us. A couple of them set off early in search of adventure, but that’s different from feeling oppressed and wanting to escape parental control.
On Thursday, after my daughters had picked up the keys, and we’d wandered around their new rental place, imagining where they’d put their furniture, I said, “I’ll see you at home this evening,” before we parted ways. And then I wondered about the word ‘home’. My girls have a new home. Perhaps they’ll no longer regard our family house as home.
“We’ll have two homes,” said Imogen. “The one where you and Dad live will always be home to us.”
My girls’ new house will become a home when they move in and make it their own with love and joy. But they will still have another home, even if Andy and I eventually sell our house and move elsewhere. Homes aren’t particular buildings. They can exist anywhere. We can have more than one of them.
Our homes are the places where we feel safe and accepted. They’re where we experience unconditional love.
What Kind of Home Do Kids Need?
While they were growing up, my kids lived in many houses that were all very different from one another. But each place was exactly the kind of home my children needed.
What Kind of Home Do Kids Need?
At that time, Andy and I and our kids lived in a cottage on the edge of town. It was old, shabby and small. Not perfect at all. We might have wished for more space, a beautifully landscaped garden with no weeds in sight, freshly painted walls that didn’t attract the mould, thick pile carpets, a modern kitchen.
But we didn’t need any of that. We had something better…
Are Your Kids Still Living at Home?
Perhaps you’d like to read my story, Are Your Kids Still Living at Home? It begins with these words:
It’s my daughter Imogen’s birthday. We’re having a breakfast picnic at the lake to celebrate. As we’re enjoying our bowls of muesli and yoghurt and munching on our hash browns, I look around the picnic table at my three young adults and two teenagers.
Three young adults? Yes, and they all live at home.
“Are you still living at home?” My older kids get asked this question quite a lot.
“When people ask me if I’m still at home,” says Imogen, “I get the feeling that they think I should have moved out by now.”
Maybe the word ‘still’ implies that my young adult children should be living independent lives. Somehow I’ve failed. Because isn’t it a parent’s job to prepare her kids for the outside world as quickly as possible? Shouldn’t we open the door and encourage them to leave? We’ve done our bit. We’ve given them all they need. Isn’t it time for them to move on? If they’re still living with us, something must be wrong.
You can find the rest of that story in my book, Radical Unschool Love.
What’s the Best Place to Bring Up Kids?
Here’s another story about unschooling and homes:
What’s the Best Place to Bring Up Kids?
Do you ever wonder where you should live? Are you providing the best environment for your kids? Is it rich and full of opportunities for learning?
While Imogen and I were on holiday together, we wandered around Kiama where we were staying, taking photos and chatting about the differences between this coastal town and our village in the bush. Would we prefer to move to the beach? How would our life change if we did? Would we miss anything at home?Images
Would you like to live in a hobbit treehouse? Would that be a fun place to bring up kids?
Will You Help?
Do you find my blog helpful? Will you consider supporting it with a coffee?
Perhaps you’d like to read my story, Are Your Kids Still Living at Home? It begins with these words:
It’s my daughter Imogen’s birthday. We’re having a breakfast picnic at the lake to celebrate. As we’re enjoying our bowls of muesli and yoghurt and munching on our hash browns, I look around the picnic table at my three young adults and two teenagers.
Three young adults? Yes, and they all live at home.
“Are you still living at home?” My older kids get asked this question quite a lot.
“When people ask me if I’m still at home,” says Imogen, “I get the feeling that they think I should have moved out by now.”
Maybe the word ‘still’ implies that my young adult children should be living independent lives. Somehow I’ve failed. Because isn’t it a parent’s job to prepare her kids for the outside world as quickly as possible? Shouldn’t we open the door and encourage them to leave? We’ve done our bit. We’ve given them all they need. Isn’t it time for them to move on? If they’re still living with us, something must be wrong.
You can find the rest of that story in my book, Radical Unschool Love.
What’s the Best Place to Bring Up Kids?
Here’s another story about unschooling and homes:[irp posts="18296" ]
Images
Would you like to live in a hobbit treehouse? Would that be a fun place to bring up kids?
Will You Help?
Do you find my blog helpful? Will you consider supporting it with a small donation?[paypal-donation]