Too Anxious to Unschool?
I used to pride myself on my mental strength. I could cope with anything.
Then covid arrived, and the anxiety that I used to hide and ignore shot to the forefront of my life. It had nothing to do with fearing illness. What bothered me was my lack of freedom. Overnight, my life changed. I was no longer in control of what I could do or even say. There were penalties for expressing opinions and resisting the rules. I might have adapted and accepted the new situation if the rules had made sense, but they didn’t.
A few years later, I’m still recovering from that difficult time. I’m no longer able to dismiss my tendency to be anxious. I’m learning to live with it.
Some parents say they can’t let go of control and unschool because they’re too anxious about the outcome. What if things don’t work out and kids fail to receive the upbringing and education they need? Perhaps it seems like unschooling and anxiety are incompatible.
But I’ve never had a problem with unschooling despite my anxiety. That’s because I believe unschooling – not imposing control on our kids – is essential if we want to avoid damaging their mental health.
These words are from my post, Could a Lack of Freedom Damage Our Kids’ Mental Health?
As parents, we might think we know what’s best for our kids. We could make them do what we want, even if they protest, because we believe it’s good for them. We could say, “One day, you’ll thank me.” But what about now? While we’re controlling what our kids do, what they learn, and even what they think, will we damage their mental health?
It’s hard when no one is interested in what we have to say, when people make decisions that make no sense, and they tell us we have to obey and not complain or question because it’s good for us even if we can’t see it. It’s hard when our needs are not taken into account, and no one cares how we’re feeling.
It’s hard when we have little control over our lives.
Some of my kids and I seem to be predisposed to anxiety. For us, unschooling wasn’t an obstacle. It was essential. Control would have pushed everyone over the edge.
Video Games, Control, Mental Health and Freedom
During covid, I often retreated into a video game.
Like many people, I had a hard time during the covid years, especially during the extended lockdowns. I lost control of my life. Someone else was making the decisions and telling me what I could and couldn’t do. And those decisions didn’t make much sense. But I had to accept them because there were penalties for not falling in line and doing what I was told.
My mental health suffered. I remember saying to my husband, “I don’t want to live in this world anymore,” thinking how easy it would be to let my mind slip away from the problems and go somewhere else. If I lost my mind, all the restrictions, contradictions and pain would no longer be able to hurt me. I’d live where no one and nothing could reach me.
Fortunately, I survived that time with my mind intact. One of the things that helped me was video games. When life became unbearable, which was often, I’d open my iPad and enter the Monster’s Expedition world, travelling from island to island, pushing down trees, challenging myself to solve a few puzzles. Although I’d lost control of my life, I was in complete control of my game.
Perhaps you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the consequences of control in this post:
Video Games, Control, Mental Health and Freedom
Are kids more likely to suffer mental health problems if they experience excessive control?
Could video games provide a safe space for kids to retreat when life becomes too difficult?
If we insist that kids leave their games and they get upset, could it be the real world that we’re forcing them to return to that’s the problem and not the video games?
And if kids do have genuine trouble handling games and protest loudly when we take them away, how will they learn to deal with their feelings if they’re not allowed to play?
Unschooling and Mental Health: A Parent’s Perspective
Jen Keefe’s mental challenges are different from mine, but I still enjoyed her conversation with Jesper and Cecilie Conrad in episode 35 of the Self-Directed podcast.
Jen Keefe is an inspiring unschooling mom who has taken the bold step of challenging traditional educational norm.
Jen’s personal struggles with mental health profoundly influenced her journey from conventional education to the liberating world of unschooling. These experiences shaped her unique approach to parenting, emphasizing the paramount importance of honesty, trust, and open dialogue with her children.
As we delve deeper, we’ll explore the transformative power of attachment parenting, the cultural shifts affecting today’s parents, and the undeniable value of personal growth and self-awareness.
Jen passionately shares her insights on subjects like the power of consent, the challenges of providing age-appropriate information, and the art of being truthful even in uncomfortable situations.
Beyond individual experiences, we’ll also discuss the broader societal implications of unschooling.
Jen believes that this approach can cultivate self-assured, confident individuals poised to instigate positive change in the world.
If you’ve ever contemplated an alternative path in parenting and education, this episode promises a wealth of insights, experiences, and revelations.
Join us as we challenge conventions, push boundaries, and celebrate the transformative power of unschooling.
Podcast Interview
A few days ago, I had a delightful chat with Jesper and Cecilie Conrad. I’ll be on an upcoming episode of their podcast, Self Directed!
Images
My happy place is the beautiful Australian bush. It’s where I retreat when life gets overwhelming. Where do you go when you need to get away from the cares of the world?
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