When Unschooling Doesn't Seem to be Working

We decide to unschool. Everything goes really well. Our kids are learning. Our family bonds are strengthening. Life is full of joy.

Then one day, things change. Something happens. Maybe a child makes a mistake. She could choose to go her own way. Do something we’re not happy about. We begin to doubt what we’re doing. We think: Perhaps unschooling doesn’t work after all. Maybe the critics are right: You should have kept tight control over your kids! Yes, we feel like we’ve failed.

We hear a lot of positive things from unschoolers. I suppose that’s because most parents want to share the good stories. But I’m sure, despite all the amazing things that happen, no unschooling family’s life is perfect in every detail.

Our family has certainly had some difficult times. And those times have seemed even worse because I’m a blogger. I’ve thought: What if my readers find out that my kids aren’t perfect, that they’ve made mistakes? Maybe I shouldn’t write about unschooling. I might be leading people astray. So I’ve wanted to delete my blog and run away. Become an ex-unschooling blogger. Become an ex-unschooling family. Yes, I’ve questioned unschooling.

But we’re still here.

While pondering the difficulties, I have always returned to the idea that we have to do what is right, and I’m sure unschooling is the right thing to do. It’s the way we are meant to live. We have to respect our kids and love them unconditionally, and not control them but instead trust. We don’t have a choice.

And so even if a child goes astray, makes a mistake, does something that we’re upset about, we must keep unschooling. We can’t jump ship. We must trust that, despite appearances, things will be okay.

Trust is a strange thing. It’s easy to trust when things are going just as we want: As long as my children choose to do what I’d like, I’m happy to pass over control and trust they’ll be okay. But can we trust when kids don’t act according to our plan? Would we rather forget all about trust and grab back control?

So we decide to trust. And who knows? One day, things just might fall into place. I know about this. I know how it feels. It’s very special.

Yes, it’s a special moment when our trust is rewarded and our children decide for themselves that they’re going to live by the values that are important to us. They return stronger and more committed than before.

Children can make mistakes whether they are unschooling or not. But I think unschooling helps children get back on track.

We have to keep listening, respecting, and loving unconditionally. We have to keep the lines of communication open. Regardless of what our kids do, we can’t risk severing or even loosening the bonds between us. It’s those bonds that will draw our children back.

There are times when unschooling doesn’t appear to be working. What do we do? Perhaps we need to stay strong, continue to unschool, and trust. I’m not saying it will be easy. But it’s the right thing to do.

“I think unschooling helps children get back on track.” There are some tracks running through our village. Train tracks. Disused ones. It has been many years since trains travelled along these tracks. The railway service was discontinued in the 1970s because of the low number of passengers wanting to use it. Gemma-Rose and Quinn are standing on the station platform. The station building disappeared a long time ago.