When We Can’t Decide What’s the Best Way to Bring Up and Educate Our Kids

Do you ever swap between the various methods of homeschooling looking for the perfect way to bring up and educate your kids? I used to do that. I’d try one thing after another, confusing myself and my kids, while never finding what I was searching for.As I said in my book Curious Unschoolers:

… I pondered lots of questions:

• • What are the basics of a good education?

  • Are old ideas better than new ones?

  • Are the classics important?

  • Are some school subjects more important than others?

  • Do kids pass through different learning stages?

  • What books should our kids read?

  • Should kids have the ability to listen?

  • Is memorisation important?

  • Is narration a valuable skill?

  • Are short lessons more effective than long ones?

  • Is copywork a good learning tool?

  • Perhaps making notes helps kids to pick out the main points of a particular subject.

  • If they make impressive looking books, does this help them value their knowledge?

  • Should learning be fun?

  • Should it be challenging?

And while I was pondering, I experimented. My poor children! They were my educational guinea pigs. Yes, we tried all the different homeschooling methods.

I was always full of enthusiasm as I put a method into action. I found the right resources, put the system into place, and then hoped my kids would soon be producing impressive work, indicating that they were indeed receiving a wonderful education.

And my children did produce some impressive work. They put together interesting lapbooks and beautiful nature journals. They enjoyed hundreds of living books, including many classics. They got excited by music and art. They loved Shakespeare and poetry. But despite these successes, no method lasted very long. We found it hard to keep following the necessary steps: "Do we really have to do this?" Learning soon became a chore, and we'd start battling with each other. I then knew it was time for a change. Perhaps we should try another homeschooling method. Should we return to one we'd already tried? Would it be different this time around? Once again, I'd start reading and researching and thinking.

Homeschooling was turning out to be a lot more complicated than I'd first imagined. With my confidence ebbing away, I faced the fact that none of the homeschooling methods was working. I knew it was time to stop experimenting before my relationship with my kids was damaged beyond repair.

It took me a long time to realise that no method will result in a perfect life. Life will always be full of difficulties and challenges regardless of our efforts to eliminate them.So if no method of homeschooling is perfect, does it really matter what we do? Perhaps each method is as good as the others? How do we decide what’s best for our family?

Well, once I stopped chopping and changing, I decided to look at my kids instead of what everyone around me was doing. I listened and observed and worked out my children’s needs and then tried to fulfil them. And I discovered love, the unconditional kind.

It seems to me that the best way to educate and bring up our children is the way of love.With a foundation of unconditional love, everything else falls into place. Love will bring joy to life. It will carry us through the difficulties and challenges. It will bind us together so we can help one another. It will make us strong. It will enable us to forgive each other when we make mistakes. It will spur us on to learn and find our place in the world. Unconditional love will encourage us to become the people God created us to be.

So what is this way of love? Could it be radical unschooling? Or are the critics right: radical unschooling is nothing more than irresponsible parenting?

Here’s something that can be found in my book Radical Unschool Love.

Radical unschooling children don't necessarily brush their teeth or shower, and if they want to exist on an exclusive diet of Coca-Cola and donuts, well, that's up to them.Or so the stories go.

And for some people that might not sound like a very attractive way of life at all.

But what if we forget about teeth and showers and junk food? Perhaps there's something far more important at the heart of a radical way of life.

What if we accept our children with all their gifts and quirks and failings? Treat them with trust and respect, and instantly forgive? Love them just as they are, no strings attached?What if we love as we'd like to be loved ourselves?

We'd be loving unconditionally. And isn't that a rather radical thing to do?

So how do we live radically? Don't worry about other people's stories (which might not even be true).

Just love.

Yes, when we don’t know what to do, when the options and opinions are many but nothing seems to be working, then we should choose the way of love. We could radically unschool. Because we can never love too much, can we? Love is what we were created to do.

If this view of radical unschooling doesn’t seem right to you, perhaps you’d like to read my book Radical Unschool Love. And then maybe we can ponder the thoughts and ideas within its pages together.

Photos

Three of my (five) daughters, Gemma-Rose, Imogen and Charlotte, who are always showering me with their love.