Why I Wanted to Delete My Blogs

I was staring gloomily at my computer this morning.

“What are you doing, Mum?” asked my daughter Imogen.

“I’m about to delete my blogs,” I answered.

“Don’t, Mum! Why would you want to do that?”

“Listen!” I replied. We could hear Sophie and Gemma-Rose crying, and one older son bumping his way around the house in a disgruntled mood.

Earlier, Sophie and Gemma-Rose had been arguing over the possession of a book. I hadn’t taken the time to find out the facts. I hadn’t helped them work out their problem, but instead, I’d impatiently shouted at both of them. After a sleepless night, I was tired, and I just didn’t want to know. I hadn’t wanted to know about my son’s car problems either.

“It’s all lies, Imogen,” I continued. “All that stuff on my blog about how good my parenting and unschooling are going… Who would believe me if they could see us now? It’s just not true.”

“But, Mum it is true,” said Imogen. “Your blog is the past, not today.”

And then I smiled. I actually giggled. Suddenly everything seemed very funny.

All my previous stories are true because they are not about today. I didn’t lie. I just wrote what was true at the time. But today…

“I’m sorry,” I told Sophie and Gemma-Rose, as I enfolded them in my arms. “How about we go somewhere for hot chocolates while Imogen and Charlotte have their piano lessons?” The girls dried their eyes and tried to smile.

So that’s what we did this morning. I drove to town, and after dropping the older girls off at their piano teacher’s house, the younger girls and I headed to a café. Soon we were sipping hot chocolates and enjoying some special time together.

All that conflict earlier today and then I took the girls out for an unexpected Monday morning treat. Some people might say I was rewarding bad behaviour (mine and my girls’). But I don’t think so. Life is tough sometimes. I make mistakes. My children do too. Some days like today, we all make mistakes. We need to apologise to each other, pick ourselves back up and then reaffirm what is really important: our relationships.

I know that when my children forgive me and love me regardless of my mistakes, I feel I want to be the best mother possible. I feel so very blessed to be me. I am sure children feel the same when they are forgiven too. So…

Not punishment, but forgiveness and love. For love has the power to make us truly who we are meant to be.

We had a bad start to the day. I try to tell it as it is. But now we are back on track. The girls have been sewing and I’ve been reading to them.

And my blog is still here. Right at this moment, it is true to say unschooling is very, very good.