Will We Have Done Enough?

Are our kids ‘doing enough’? Maybe we often ask ourselves that question. But what do we mean by ‘doing enough’? Do we worry that our children aren’t doing enough Maths, English, science? Or is there something far more important they need to know?

My daughter Gemma-Rose was about 15 when I wrote this story about a day in our family’s unschooling life.

I’ve been thinking about time, love, learning and doing ‘enough’.

Early the other morning, my daughter Gemma-Rose and I went to town so that we could run around the lake. It was cold. We were the only brave people out at that time of day. There weren’t even any of the usual dog walkers strolling along the path. After Gemma-Rose had done some hill sprints, and we’d both run a few laps of the lake, we went to McDonald’s for hot chocolate and coffee to warm us up. We sat for quite some time with our hands around our cups, talking about hills and running and hopes and dreams.

Later, when we arrived back home, we showered and did some chores. Then we made some more coffee, and while we drank it, we chatted with Charlotte and Sophie who both had a day off work. Before we’d finished our drinks, the doorbell rang. And like usual, Quinn ran towards the front door, barking very loudly. We opened the door to discover an abandoned parcel sitting on the ground. The postman was nowhere in sight. Like usual, he’d made a quick get-away. “The postman is going to refuse to bring us our mail if you continue barking,” I scolded the dog. Quinn looked up at me and grinned.

I retrieved the parcel and said, “It’s heavy!” before handing it to Sophie.

“It’s the gym clothes we ordered!” Sophie tore off the wrappings to reveal leggings and tops, not only for herself but for Imogen and Gemma-Rose as well. The girls wanted to try on their new exercise gear so that’s what they did. Once we’d exclaimed, “Oh, that looks good!” and “That fits you perfectly!” we talked about clothes and design and exercise and all kinds of other things.

About 11 am, Charlotte asked, “Does anyone want another cup of coffee or tea?” Then with hot drinks in our hands, Gemma-Rose and I settled down on the sofa, with cats on our knees, to watch an episode of The Portrait Artist of the Year competition. (We found episodes on YouTube.) While we watched, we chatted about the paintings and predicted which artist would win this round of the competition.

Lunchtime arrived, and while I ate a sandwich, I thought about what we had achieved that morning. Did we do ‘enough’? Probably most people would think we didn’t do much at all. But we did. We spent lots of time talking and listening and soaking up the joy of the moment. And learning things that have nothing to do with maths but everything to do with love.

Time is limited, I won’t always be able to sit and chat and listen to my children.  I won’t always be able to give them what they need so that they know without a doubt that they are uniquely valuable people who are very loved. If I don’t use this opportunity now while I have it, I won’t be able to reclaim it later.

When all my children have left home, I don’t want to look back and wonder, “Did we do enough?” Did I spend enough time with my kids, loving and enjoying and sharing the most important things in life?

So I’m wondering:

Do you ever worry that your kids aren’t learning enough? Do you feel you should push them to gain as much knowledge as possible?

Or are you, like me, confident that our children are learning what they need to know while they’re following their interests and having wide-ranging conversations and seemingly (in other people’s eyes) doing not much at all?

And have you ever thought about how it will never be too late for our kids to learn any information or skill they may need, but this unique opportunity for connecting with them will one day be gone forever?