Do I want to be as good a mother as Sue Elvis? Or do I want Sue Elvis to be my mother? Perhaps a bit of both.Ifound the above words in a Goodreads review of my unschooling book, Radical Unschool Love. They were written by Lauren.Another phenomenal book that I’ll read again and again. Sue’s books remind me that there’s so much fun & whimsy to motherhood & childhood. I just love everything about these 2 books and hope more will come soon.
As you can imagine, I smiled when I first read this review. I ran to my family and said, “Hey, listen to this!” And then I added, “Does it seem strange someone wants me to be their mother? Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Take her! Lauren, you can have her. She’s not as good as you think!”
[pullquote align=”right” style=”default” width=”300″ size=”16″ line_height=”18″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#222222″]My kids want to keep me even though I’m not a perfect mother.[/pullquote] Everyone giggled and then someone said, “Oh yes, Mum, we can’t wait to give you away!”Of course, we were only joking. No one is going anywhere. My kids want to keep me even though I’m not a perfect mother.
I think Lauren knows that I’m far from perfect. You see, she’s read both my unschooling books. Inside their covers, there are many stories that reveal the mistakes I’ve made and the struggles I’ve had as I’ve been parenting my kids. I wanted to be honest and open because we can’t connect and encourage each other if we pretend we’ve got everything worked out perfectly, can we?
So why did Lauren write, “Do I want to be as good of a mother as Sue Elvis? Or do I want Sue Elvis to be my mother?” Why didn’t she criticise me and say, “I never want to be like Sue!”? Well, I’m only guessing, but maybe my stories reassured Lauren that none of us has to be perfect parents. There’ll be times when we fail. And that’s okay as long as we keep trying. Our families will understand. They will forgive us. They might even pull us back to our feet when we fall. They certainly won’t say, “Take her away! You can have her!”
Of course, we have to do something if we want our families to react like this.
In my story Do You Ever Get Tired of Being a Good Example? from Radical Unschool Love, I said:
[pullquote align=”left” style=”default” width=”300″ size=”16″ line_height=”18″ bg_color=”#ffffff” txt_color=”#222222″]When I’m not the person I would like to be, I’m still providing my kids with an example. And it’s not a bad one. I’m showing my children that it’s quite okay when we fail to do the right thing. As long as we get back up again and keep trying.[/pullquote] …sometimes being a good example is very hard work. And so there are days when we fail.
I think our kids understand when we don’t always do what we should. Life can be hard. And we get tired. Maybe there are times when we need a break. Perhaps it’s okay if we’re not perfect. Instead of struggling on, we could give our kids a chance to look after us.
“You stay in bed, Mum, and rest. I’ll make you some breakfast.”
“I’ll sweep the floor for you, Mum. I know you can’t wait to finish that story you’re writing.”
“Why don’t you have a lazy day, Mum. Read a book and do not much at all.”
“Words hurt, don’t they, Mum? Do you want a hug?”
Why would our kids want to look after us? Why do they understand when we can’t keep up, and we fail? Could it have something to do with how we treat them when they also fail to do the right thing?
We don’t expect our kids to be perfect. We understand when they’re tired or impatient to dive into their work or reluctant to leave something that’s absorbing them. We help them out when they’re struggling. We empathise. We don’t criticise.
I try and be a good example for my kids. Sometimes I fail. But that’s okay. When I’m not the person I would like to be, I’m still providing my kids with an example. And it’s not a bad one.
I’m showing my children that it’s quite okay when we fail to do the right thing. As long as we get back up again and keep trying.
Thank you, Lauren, for your very kind and encouraging words.
Encouraging words? We all need these, don’t we? Sometimes parenting can be difficult. If you’re feeling discouraged, I hope you find something helpful in my books.
So I’m wondering:
Do you ever get fed up of being a good example?
Do your kids help you get back on track when you fail?
And have you read Radical Unschool Love?
Photos:
Sophie and I took these photos while we were having a picnic breakfast outing!
I try sooooooo hard to be a good example to my kids but know that I fail miserably at times!! Lol
I am learning how to sliw down and listen properly to my children, which helps with a lot of misunderstandings.
When I don’t slow down or think before I speak, then I learn how to apologise and get back on track.
The learning process is amazing. I learn more and more about the kids but selfishly, learn more about myself each time!
Jane,
I love what you said about slowing down and listening carefully. Parents face so many pressures. The list of things we could do is endless. I remember days when I felt I couldn’t keep up. My head used to ache and I could feel the pressure building up inside me. Sometimes I exploded. Unschooling has allowed us to slow down, to put other people’s expectations aside, and to listen to each other.
Learning about ourselves… Oh yes, the learning process is amazing. Maybe we feel unschooling should be all about our kids, but it has to be about us too. We’re all in this together!
I feel I have learnt soooooooo much and constantly feel guilty that I have!!! So glad the kids and I are on the journey together. Such fun!
Listening before commenting sometimes is so hard and I strive to keep trying every day.
Love this and always appreciate your encouragement through your books, blog, and podcast. Instagram too! It’s life changing to have encouragement from a like minded friend who encourages me in a loving and positive relationship with my children. ?
Venisa,
I’m so glad you feel encouraged by my words. Thank you for being a source of encouragement for me too!
Wonderful words of encouragement! Thank you, Sue, for the reminder of opportunities for humility. It is often tough sometimes to see them as opportunities though. That is great for us and our kids, too! Confession provides us chances to get back up and keep trying as well. Also, thank you, to you and 2 of your daughters, for your interviews at the Global Homeschooling Summit. I finally got around to watching/listening to those and they were terrific. I loved what you said about unschooling and kids seeing their parents learning alongside them – reading, doing, thinking, creating, etc. – instead of school being for a certain time of life. Yes!
Staci,
Oh yes, humility! It could be so easy to get self-satisfied and proud of how we handle things, couldn’t it? My failures remind me that I need to keep my eyes on God. Confession is definitely necessary to get us back on track again. When my girls were younger, I used to love watching their faces when they came out of the confessional. They looked so full of joy. Maybe as we get older, we don’t show as much on our faces as we used to, but that joy is certainly alive inside us!
Thank you for watching our Global Summit interviews. We’d miss out on so much if learning were limited to the school years, wouldn’t we? I love learning alongside my kids. I bet you do too!
I love the reviewer asking if she wants to be as good of a mother as Sue Elvis or if she wants Sue Elvis to be her mother?! I have asked myself those very same questions!
I am trying to be a better example for my children but do get discouraged sometimes when I fall back into old habits, although that’s happening less often as we deschool.
My kids are great about helping me get back on track and my husband is also wonderful about helping me fit in the showers, exercise, and breaks if I’m feeling overwhelmed! It’s nice to have support and encouragement from them, because I can be a lot harder on myself than they are lol.
We are about 3/4 of the way through Radical Unschool Love and about 1/4 of the way through The Crystal Tree and we are loving them both!!!
Amber,
Oh, you are very kind! You wouldn’t have wanted to be like me if you’d known me when I was a younger mother, I’m sure. But with experience, we learn what’s most important in life and then things get easier, and even if we’re not perfect, that’s quite okay!
Sometimes it can be hard to admit we can’t cope as well as we’d like and accept help. But some help and time to ourselves does make a difference, doesn’t it? It sounds like you have a beautiful family who loves you dearly!
We’re so glad you’re enjoying our books. Thank you so much for reading them!
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