The Wise and Sparkly Older Gang
Do you ever get concerned about ageing? Do you slather on the anti-wrinkle creams, hoping to preserve your youthful appearance? Perhaps you choose and edit your photos with care, accepting only those that make you look young? Or maybe you don’t worry about such things?
The other day, I was sorting through a file on my computer and found some photos of me that my daughter Sophie took shortly before she left home. There were a few amongst them that I used to dislike because I thought they made me look old. Looking at them again, with eyes that are two years older, I’ve changed my mind. Now I’d be happy to look like I did on that day when my daughter and I strolled along our local river together with our cameras.
That often happens, doesn’t it? We think we look old. We feel unsettled. Then after some more time has passed, we look back and decide that things weren’t that bad after all. What were we complaining about? We’d trade our current faces any day for the ones we used to have.
I’m wondering: in two more years, will I love today’s face more than I do now? Will I wish I’d appreciated it more while I had it? Will I regret wasting so much energy worrying about my appearance and wish I’d taken more pleasure in being who I am right now?
Why do I worry about my ageing face when I can’t actually see it? Perhaps I feel dissatisfied because I’m wondering what people think of me. I want to look good in their eyes. I don’t want anyone to think, “Hey, Sue’s looking old!” I’d like to be thought of as one of those vibrant, young and in-fashion people who are at the centre of things instead of being dismissed as old and past it. I want to belong.
A few months ago, I met an older man – he was in his 80s – at our local lake. After chatting with him for a few minutes, I knew he was wise. He was also full of joy, grateful for his long life and glad to be his age. He sparkled.
“Wise and sparkly: that’s what I want to be when I’m old,” I told my girls. “I’m going to wear t-shirts that say, I’m a wise and sparkly older woman.”
It takes a lot of work maintaining a particular image, doesn’t it? We have to choose the photos we share with care, and edit them well, if we want other people to think we’re someone we’re not. We might be successful, persuading others that we’re younger than we are. But is it really okay to do this? Wouldn’t it be better if we embraced our unique selves, however old we are, so that we can encourage younger people – including our daughters – who will one day be older? We need to say, “I love being who I am right now! I don’t need to pretend to be my younger self. Ageing doesn’t mean our use-by-dates have expired. Oh no, we still have valuable things to do.”
It seems to me that if a few of us passed on that message, if we were obviously comfortable in our ageing skins, others might follow us. Together, we could all be part of an older people tribe. We’d be sparkly and wise and joyful. Younger people might look at us and say, “I can’t wait to grow older and be part of your gang!”
I’ve reached the absolutely fabulous age of 61. Yes, I have a few wrinkles and a saggy jawline, but they’re not important. They’re not who I am.
I’m older.
I’m sparkly.
And one day I hope to be wise.