Parents Or Friends? Or Can We Be Both?

A few weeks ago, my gorgeous adult daughter, Imogen, said, “Mum, we need a break. How about we go to the beach together for a few days?”

Oh my, that was a fabulous suggestion. We’ve both had a hard time this last year or so. A holiday away from the cares of everyday life sounded perfect. Actually, it sounded like a lifesaver.

So we packed our swimming gear, hoping the water would be warm, even though it’s now autumn here in Australia, and headed to the coast.

Imogen had arranged for us to stay in a cottage that was right on the beach. Our eyes opened wide when we saw our accommodation. It was good! And only a few steps away were the golden sand and swishing sea.

While we were at the beach, I mentioned to someone that I was spending a few days with my daughter. The woman thought it was absolutely wonderful that we were having a mother-daughter holiday. So did I. Of all the people Imogen could have invited to go away with her, she chose me, her mother!

Have you ever heard anyone say that we shouldn’t be friends with our kids? Some people insist there’ll be plenty of time for friendship once our kids are grown up. Right now they need us to be parents. The message is that we should be tough when we need to be. Show our kids who’s in charge. Make them do what we say.

But Imogen and I have always been great friends. Ours isn’t a friendship that only began when she turned 18.

I wrote in my book Radical Unschool Love:

Everyone needs a good friend. If we're not willing to be friends with our kids, they'll go looking for a friend elsewhere. Someone else will take the place that should be ours.

"Hey, Sophie, what do you think of this: ‘We can be friends with our kids later when they've grown up’?”

"Parents can't suddenly turn around and tell their kids that they're now ready to be their friends," says my teenage daughter. "It doesn't work like that. And even if it was okay, think of all those lost years."

Yes, years we could have enjoyed being friends.

Being friends with our kids isn’t about trying to be popular, giving in so our kids will like us. It’s about showing respect and trust, listening, being there for each other…

Real friends accept us as we are. They don't criticise but instead encourage and support us. They like spending time with us and sharing our interests and involving us in theirs. They cheer us on. They make life fun. They listen when we need to talk and help us through the difficult times without taking over. We can open up and say anything to good friends. They respect us. They trust us.

Can we be both parent and friend to our children? Of course we can.

Photos

This is Imogen, my daughter, friend and writing buddy!

Big News About Radical Unschool Love

The second edition of my unschooling book, Radical Unschool Love, will be published and available for sale very soon!

So, have you been on holiday recently? Do you live far from the beach? And are you friends with your kids?