Driving home from the hospital, after sharing my dad’s last hours of life, I saw the sun rising over the cow paddocks, where trees stood knee-deep in mist, silhouetted black against the pink and orange sky. And I thought about how there’s immense beauty in the midst of dark grief. How we only grieve because we love. And how deep sorrow means we loved well.
How well do we love?
Do we think we know best and try to change our children into the people we think they should be? Do we heap our concerns and worries on their shoulders, expressing our doubts and lack of confidence and not trusting them to work things out? Do we force our kids to hide who they really are and what they want to do to fulfil our expectations and please instead of disappointing us. Do we make them earn our love? Do we give our kids the impression they’re not good enough?
Or do we love unconditionally, accepting our kids for who they are, embracing their uniqueness, valuing what’s important to them, encouraging their dreams, forgiving their mistakes, and trusting they will make a difference because of precisely who they are?
We love. Years or maybe only a single day, and then they’re gone. But it’s not the end. It’s strange: love keeps growing. It will multiply forever, connecting us together, changing who we are, transforming the world whether we’re still here or not.
Love is important. It’s number one. Without it, nothing else matters.
The question is: will we love well?
Loving Well Words
There are words we say so often they become part of our family’s language.
Perhaps we say:
I enjoy spending time with you.
I’m so proud of you.
It was my pleasure. I love helping you.
You make a difference!
No big deal. We all make mistakes.
I’m sorry.
I’m glad you are you.
I love being your mother (father).
I love you so much!
What words roll easily off our tongues? What words tell our kids that we love well?
Photos: Simon Wilkes, Unsplash
These photos were taken in Richmond Park, London, half a world away from my home in the Highlands of NSW, Australia. But they still remind me of the stunning sunrise and the magical mist I saw on the day my dad died when grief descended all because of love.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, Sue. Your reflection about loving well is beautiful❤️
Emily, thank you so much for your kind words!
So beautifully written Sue, as always! And thanks for such a poignant reminder to love well. Sending love to you all x
Thank you for your love, Hayley. I’m so glad we are friends. xx
Sue, so much love to you and yours. What a beautiful reflection. xoxo
Thank you, Erin. I appreciate your love and friendship. Thank you also for your thoughtful email. xx
Sue, I’m so sorry about your dad. Yes, I completely agree with what you wrote! Love is most important!
Gina
Gina, thank you! It’s was so kind of you to stop by. 💛💛
That sucks about your dad I’m sorry to hear that. Grief comes in waves and I hope that you can find some comfort in between the sadness x
Thank you! You described grief perfectly. You must be familiar with it too. I’m sorry you know this heart-aching pain.
My heart goes out to you with love as you grieve the loss of your dad. Thank you for writing this reflection and allowing us to witness the power of your love. Yes, love is power and truly the most important thing in the world, this one and the next.
Sue, I tried to login, but it would not let me 🙁 so I will copy my thoughts to you again here:
My heart goes out to you with love as you grieve the loss of your dad. Thank you for writing this reflection and allowing us to witness the power of your love. Yes, love is power and truly the most important thing in the world, this one and the next.
Staci McKeon
Staci, thank you so much for your love and kind words. xxx
This is such a beautiful reflection Auntie Sue 💖
Thank you, Meg. xxx 💛