The Woman Chain
Just over a year ago, I was in a dark place. The world had returned to normal after covid, but I was finding it hard to shrug off the effects of being confined at home for months on end. I was lonely and didn’t know how to change my situation. I imagined picking up my phone and saying to a friend, “Anne, do you want to get together for coffee?” but that felt very difficult because I’d lost my confidence. So, I sat alone at home and let the outside world move forward without me.
A priest once said that we often resist change until it becomes harder to endure our present situation than it is to do something about it. A couple of weeks before Advent 2022, I reached that point. I had to make a change before the turmoil in my head overwhelmed me completely.
One Thursday morning, after Mass, I approached Vivian and asked, “Could we get together with a few women during Advent? Perhaps we could meet at a cafe, buy coffee, and then read and discuss the Sunday Gospels. We could chat about other things too. What do you think?”
Vivian is one of those marvellous people who take the time to listen to others and engage them in conversation, so she knows everyone. “I could ask Eloise, Liz and Annabelle,” she said. More names rolled off her tongue.
So, we formed a women’s group and gathered each week during Advent to discuss the upcoming Sunday Gospels while sipping coffee. We shared; we prayed; we got to know each other. And my confidence reappeared. When we reached the last week of Advent, I felt lighter, the mental burden I’d been carrying having disappeared. My friends had eased me back into life. There was only one problem: I knew I’d miss everyone once our meetings ended.
On the Wednesday before Christmas, we gathered for our final Advent meeting. We greeted each other as usual with smiles and hugs; we bought coffee; we dropped our bags to the ground as we chose seats around the long cafe table; we searched our phones for the Sunday Gospel. And then someone said, “I don’t want these meetings to come to an end. Does anyone want to continue meeting after Christmas?”
“Oh, yes!”
We’ve been getting together each week for over a year now. We’ve celebrated all the liturgical seasons. We’ve shared the highs and lows of our lives, revealing our inner selves. We’ve accepted, supported and encouraged each other. And we’ve discussed not only the Gospels but a million associated topics as well.
Yesterday, we asked, “Do we each have a talent that God is calling us to use? Are we more than mothers and wives?”
For many years, after Mass, I’d have brief conversations with fellow parishioners about the weather or my kids, or I’d answer such questions as, “What are you doing for Christmas?” Because my husband was known as a reader and singer, I was ‘Andy’s wife’. I was ‘the mother of that big family that sits near the front of the church’. And when my daughter Imogen was cantoring and leading the choir, I was ‘Imogen’s mother’. These days, I’m probably ‘that older woman’. Maybe I’m ‘the older woman with the red hair.’ No one knows me as “Sue, who yearns to share beauty and truth through her stories.” No one knows my secret identity: blogger, author and podcaster. No one knows except for my women’s group friends.
“I feel known,” I said. “You all see me.”
Tina brought a copy of the Mathilde magazine to yesterday’s women’s group meeting. I took it in my hands, savouring the feel of the heavy, high-quality paper, and opened it. I turned page after page, absorbing the beauty: meaningful articles, images and graphics arranged in a visually appealing way. As I enjoyed the magazine, my eyes noticing everything from the colours, the choice of fonts, and the eye-catching break-out quotes, my heart suddenly contracted with a painful longing: I wanted to create something beautiful, too.
Did St John Paul II write about our urge to create? Did he say this intense longing reflects our longing for God, who implants these desires within us? Maybe I should read his book, God Is Beauty: A Retreat on the Gospel and Art, to find out more about his thoughts on this topic.
As you might know, I’ve been searching for my next mission now that my family no longer needs me in an all-consuming way. I still don’t know what God wants me to do. But I’m going to find out. With my woman friends and our mingled prayers, I will follow that exquisitely pain-filled creative longing towards beauty and truth.
One of my favourite quotes is this one from St John Henry Cardinal Newman:
…God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments…
My friends, God picked us. He linked us, connecting, braiding, weaving, tying us together. He created something beautiful: our woman chain.
Images
Six portraits of potter Herman A. Kähler’s children by Laurits Andersen Ring
In the month of June by Laurits Andersen Ring
At breakfast by Laurits Andersen Ring
So, what do you think?
Have you ever felt lost and lonely? Are you a link in a chain of woman friends? And have you ever experienced a strong longing to create something beautiful?