The other day, Sophie and I headed into town to have lunch together. As we were winding our way along the road that leads out of our village, we chatted about her upcoming adventure. I told Sophie how proud of her I am. I also told her that I’ll miss her when she moves away. I love her so much!
I’ve heard some people say that we shouldn’t praise our kids or tell them we’re proud of them because our words might negatively influence them. Will they do things just to keep us happy or to earn our approval? But, despite the warnings, I express my feelings to my kids. I can’t help myself. It all bubbles out! I am in awe of the people my kids are, and I think they need to hear that.
Yes, I think it’s important that we share what’s inside us, so our kids don’t have to guess what we’re thinking and feeling. Express our love. Say we’re proud of our children. It’s essential. That’s what they need. Could we all have an inbuilt need to hear words of love and pride from those we love the most? How many people are still waiting and hoping to hear them even though they’re now grown up?
Although I told Sophie I have confidence in her, I also told her that if things don’t work out the way she hopes, that’s okay. “If you change your mind about your new job or living so far away, you’re always welcome to come home.” If Sophie reappears on our doorstep, she won’t have failed. One adventure will have come to an end. We’ll enjoy having her at home before she sets out on her next one.
Maybe it’s important that our kids know they have a safe family refuge even when they’re adults. A place to come back to. Somewhere where they know they’ll always be welcome and loved and accepted.
I say it again: “Sophie, I love you! I’m so proud of you!”
We should say what’s in our hearts. Express what’s inside us. Do this while we can.
Sue, you just keep being proud of Sophie. I’m proud of her too and she’s not even my daughter. You are right to praise her. She does need to hear it when it’s genuine. I don’t understand how people could be so calloused to withhold it from their children. Everything you have said is spot on. It’s scary when we have to let go of our children like this but they have to move forward and have their own lives eventually away from our watchful eye. You have done such a wonderful job in raising your children and might I also say I’m proud of the job you have done! She will be fine because of that. She knows she will always have a safe harbor that she can return to when needed. I think you have set an excellent example for all of us to follow. Well done!
James,
I love how we can be proud of each other’s children. I also love hearing someone say they’re proud of me. Thank you! I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words!
Good luck, Sophie! (And good luck, Sue ;-)). I agree with all your beautiful, loving words, as ever. x
Lucinda,
I’ll pass on your words to Sophie. Thank you! It’s good to connect with you. I hope all is well with you and your family. xx
Yes, it’s lovely to connect. We’re all well, yes, thank you. Kai (formerly Cordie) was really pleased with his exam results (he just did GCSE’s) and has started studying for his A levels, while Jasper is working towards his at home. We also have another 17 year old living with us so what with the dogs too it’s a nice full house – for the time being! Love to you all xx
Lucinda,
I’m so pleased to hear you’re doing well. Oh yes, full houses are nice! I often think of you and our earlier days of blogging. Thank you so much for stopping by. Sending love to you! xx
Sue- this is such a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this- I agree so much that we must express our feelings. So much love to you all while Sophie moves on to her new adventure! You’ll be in my prayers during this exciting transition.
Lauren,
Thank you so much for your love and prayers. Your words are making me smile!
Love this and I completely agree!
Tam,
I’m so glad you connected with my words. Thank you for stopping by!
Amen! So much is left un-said in this world. We need to let people know what we think so they never wonder or try to “mind-read” and guess. People can really mis-judge how people feel about them because of our their insecurities. So we need to tell those we love what we think of them/how we feel about them so they know how much they are loved and valued and don’t have to doubt. Doesn’t the Bible say a lot of things about “good words” bringing healing?
Psalm 12:25 “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad.” Words have power. As parents, we need to speak out those blessings so our kids know Who they are. <3
Mama bear,
It’s strange how we expect others to read our minds, isn’t it? I love what you said about words having power. Yes, our kids do indeed need to know Who they are!
I just love this, Sue! All the best to Sophie! Although I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that is grown up now (why do kids grow up so fast?).
Sarah,
I can’t believe that Sophie has grown up either. Wasn’t it only yesterday that I was writing about how Sophie was learning her times tables? The years have definitely passed too quickly. I passed on your words to Sophie. Thank you!
“…a safe family refuge even when they’re adults. A place to come back to. Somewhere where they know they’ll always be welcome and loved and accepted…” Love this Sue, so beautiful 🙂